Snoop Dogg Endorses Cupcake-Shaped Beanies
INT. SMOKY ROOM DEEP WITHIN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
The late 1990s. A group of shady white guys are sitting around a boardroom-type table. Framed gold and platinum records all around them.
JENKINS: Wait, let me see if I get this right--we're gonna rebrand Calvin as a kid-friendly pimp?
ROARK: Yup. I know it's never been done, but bear with me. People will love it.
BERNSTEIN: I don't know, man. We've worked really hard on this "Snoop Dogg" image for years. He's dangerous, possibly murderous...
JENKINS: Definitely gang-affiliated. What do you call those guys? The Crimps?
BERNSTEIN: Yeah, those blue guys with the bandanas. Anyways--I'm not sure about this whole kid-friendly thing. Are we going back to the Snoop Doggy Dog concept from 92? Kids love puppies...
Paid Da Cost To Wear Da Cupcake Beanie
ROARK: No. He's still Snoop Dogg. That "Snoop D. O. Double-G" catchphrase is gold.
JENKINS: So, what are we thinking about? Dolls? TV-specials and tie-ins about parenting?
BERNSTEIN: "Parent Hood."
ROARK: Good one! Might be too soon for that though. Maybe in a couple of years.
BERNSTEIN: How about BEANIES SHAPED LIKE CUPCAKES?
Everyone turns around.
ROARK: That's too much.
JENKINS: You've gone off the reservation.
ROARK: Yeah, I mean--I'm sure we can pull off this rebranding of a gangsta, whore-peddling rapper into a cuddly toy. But SNOOP DOGG-ENDORSED BEANIES SHAPED LIKE CUPCAKES?
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