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Slushed in 2002

COCKTAIL, MR. LOTT?

At the PlayStation 2 party, one of the first soirees at the new downtown STANDARD HOTEL, security guards checked the hue of partygoers' libations as they entered the hotel lobby, the mantra at the door being, "No colored drinks, clear only," and anything that could stain the plush pink sofas was not allowed in.

GUT FEELING

"There are more trailers than cars in Ohio," bragged Devo singer-keyboardist MARK MOTHERSBAUGH, in a rare allusion to the band's Akron roots, before playing a short set at the opening shindig for FRED ERIC's Airstream Diner, prompting the beautiful people to pogo wildly like it was 1977 — a perfect example of devo-lution.

A GOOD TIME WAS HAD BY ALL — AT LEAST UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING

When dancer TRACY PHILLIPS started strutting her stuff on the bar at the opening bash for IVAN KANE's Forty Deuce, daintily picking her way among martini glasses and doing a full-on split without knocking over the garnish tray, all hell broke loose: Three surfer dudes from the audience began dirty dancing while another guy did headstands on the bar — and a screaming DEMI MOORE caught it all on videotape. By last call, a number of revelers were passed out cold, and one had to be carried out. The fun continued on the sidewalk, with two young studs showing off their assets to anyone who'd look.

COOKING WITH RUDY

RUDY RAY MOORE, a.k.a. Dolomite, summing it all up at his roast at the Knitting Factory: "I may be too goddamn old to cut the mustard, but I can goddamn sho' lick out the jar."

BET SHE'S NEVER HEARD THAT QUESTION

"Ask her how she got her groove back," joked a wag at the STELLA McCARTNEY shindig at the Chateau Marmont.

EITHER WE SAW WHAT WE SAW, OR THIS GUY SHOULD GET HIMSELF TO A TANNING SALON

Slimmed-down actor CHRIS WELLS, when complimented on his newly svelte figure during a party following the closing episode of The Strip at the Evidence Room, dropped trou by way of acknowledgment, displaying a great set of gams and either dazzling white boxer shorts (what we eyed) or revealed that he was going commando (what he later claimed).

BUT WHAT ABOUT SHELLEY WINTERS?

"It's the only time in Los Angeles when being old and large is a good thing," noted comedian MARGARET CHO about the 20th anniversary of Outfest, Southern California's biggest film festival.

THE PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT

At the 2002 Quest for the Crown beauty pageant fund-raiser, Miss Germany was asked, "If you were Buddha for a day, what would you do?" to which she replied, "I'd buy CHRISTINA AGUILERA a whole blouse and a hot meal."

THAT'S ONE WAY TO LIVEN UP A SOIREE

A gift bag handed out at a STEP UP WOMEN'S NETWORK benefit contained not only the usual goodies but a prescription muscle relaxer — not usually part of the deal, a rep for the Network later stated.

BARELY LEGAL

"We're a bunch of fucking whores," declared THE STROKES' lead singer JULIAN CASABLANCAS before the band's quickie set at a soiree for Nintendo GameCube.

HANG HIM ON THE WALL

It was cattle time all the way for the B-list Battalion — MOCA estimated 4,000 people showed up — at the members' party for the "ANDY WARHOL RETROSPECTIVE," where it seemed there were lines just to get in line.

NO CRYSTAL METHOD

"It's that goddamn crystal that's ruined gay culture's taste in good dance music," theorized promoter GLEN WALSH at a Naked Music showcase.

JUST DICKING AROUND

When the projection system broke down at the Music Video Production Awards, host ANDY DICK's night really went south, so to speak: To stall for time, he warbled his repertoire of below-the-belt hits, including a five-minute tune about a part of the anatomy not usually celebrated in song, "the little brown way."

THERE GOES THE AFTER-PARTY

After collapsing for real in a heap on the stage during her Act 2 big dramatic moment on opening night in Fellow Traveler, actress MIMI COZZENS earned the Margo Channing Award for Best Theatuh Comeback when she insisted on finishing the show after she regained consciousness.

TWO TURNTABLES AND A MICROPHONE

You didn't have to be backstage at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival to get a celebrity eyeful: A sublime moment of the weekend was BECK breakdancing to a loop of one of his songs sampled during a set by DJ Z-TRIP.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING FREAKALICIOUS

"All the freaky people make the beauty of the world," noted Spearhead's MICHAEL FRANTI at the seventh annual Snocore tour at the Wiltern.

CINÉMA VÉRITÉ

At the opening fete for CINESPACE, the futuristic, Blade Runner-esque digital theater-meets-supper club, the bathroom's clear-glass front door freaked out some of the shyer ladies in the house, even though there were private stalls. Of course, the see-through entrance didn't even faze the dudes, who had more to worry about, since you really could watch 'em doing their business. That's one way to get discovered in Hollywood.

PUT A SOCK ON IT

Perhaps it's not quite yet a movement, but there's a certain puppet Zeitgeist emerging — go figure, although 'N SOCK, a boy band of five sexy young tube socks that performed at Club Puppet, proved adept at the thrust-and-sing, and were pretty darned adorable.

BE HAIR NOW

Skateboard pioneer and filmmaker STACY PERALTA revealed an old-school beauty secret at the debut of his documentary Dogtown and Z-Boys: His and skateboard-pro pal JAY ADAMS' bleached locks were achieved by the sea's saltwater.

SURE THEY WEREN'T THE ENTERTAINMENT?

A tutu-clad Go-Go, JANE WIEDLIN, and a couple of hot, shirtless leather boys crawled on the floor offering dollar tips clenched in their teeth to the performers at Dragapalooza.

THREADS TO THE SOCIAL ORDER

Leave it to CHER to show up in jeans for the Costume Designers Guild Awards.

PERHAPS IT'S TIME FOR THAT ANGER-MANAGEMENT CLASS

Brian Jonestown Massacre's ANTON NEWCOMBE was jailed after allegedly kicking a heckler in the face during a gig at the Knitting Factory.

OR THE OTHER

"Tonight we will see if our movie is a comedy — or a tragedy," announced director-writer TEMISTOCLES LOPEZ at the first public screening of his film, Home: The Horror Story.

EVIDENTLY, THE ART WORLD HAS GONE TO THE DOGS

The cutest thing at the Santa Monica Museum of Art's Fresh Start fund-raiser — besides, of course, BROOKE SHIELDS — was a basenji puppy belonging to gallerist PATRICIA CORREIA, who apparently had a new sideline: The puppy was for sale.

IT'S WRONG FOR ME TO CALL YOU MOM

"Are you out of your mind?" screeched a chubby-cheeked matron with an impossibly fried comb-over at the opening night of Tell Veronica, when asked if she might be the mother of the play's star, CHARLENE TILTON. The rhetorical "How old do you think I am?" was followed by the inevitable "Don't you know who I am?" before the bellowed answer: "I am CAROL CONNORS" — Oscar-nominated lyricist for the theme from Rocky. We decided that we were "Gonna Fly Now" before we told the songbird she looked like Tilton's grandmother.

Contributors: Madelynn Amalfitano, Siran Babayan, Jade Chang, Mary Beth Crain, Pleasant Gehman, Falling James, Marcus Kuiland-Nazario, Lina Lecaro, Derrick Mathis, Brendan Mullen, Tommy Nguyen, Sandra Ross


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