Remembering the Time: Minor Epiphanies Gleaned Upon Re-Watching Michael Jackson's "Remember the Time" Video 17 Years Later

In honor of poor Teddy Riley.

  • Nothing says "epic video" more than a hourglass filled with shifted sands. Nothing.

  • I'm fairly certain that "Remember the Time" is actually an alternative history suggesting the importance of New Jack Swing to the ancient Egyptians. Hieroglyphics that were once thought to have depicted the everyday life of the people were instead merely capturing them in the midst of the Cabbage Patch. If there are any Egyptologists out there reading this (if so, you should probably stop now), I highly advise you to look further into this phenomenon.

  • I imagine that whoever suggested that the video feature feral cats running around as to be historically acccurate was very pleased with himself. You can almost hear a hare-brained label guy screaming, "Cats, we need more cats!"

  • The decision to cast Eddie Murphy as the Pharaoh reeks suspiciously of the plot of Coming to America. Not like this is a bad thing. Re-watching "Remember the Time," I'm half-expecting someone to bath him and declare that the "royal penis is clean."

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  • Iman being bored is a pretty realistic touch. Maybe Eddie had been forcing her to watch Harlem Nights on repeat. But I mean, couldn't he just perform segments from Delirious and/or Raw whenever things got slow in the palace?

  • Even as a lowly armed guard, Magic Johnson is the very definition of showtime.

  • Note to self. Head to local occult store to purchase magical black powder that allows for teleporting. Also purchase comfortable, loose-fitting black robe.

  • If Iman really was such a tough entertainment critic willing to order the death of poor "Stickman" and "Pyro" why didn't she tell Bowie not to make Never Let Me Down?

  • Hey Timberlake, this is how you do it. ""What Goes Around" was a joke compared to "Remember the Time." Scarjo? That's ephemeral. Eddie Murph circa Raw, Magic Johnson taking it to Isaiah Thomas in the NBA Finals. That's just timeless.

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  • Granted, he is the middle kingdom's finest magician/dancer (and not the other way around), but the concept of Michael Jackson stealing Pharoahe Eddie Murphy's girl remains downright laughable. Particularly, when said girl is Iman. Did the decision to cast the Somalian supermodel have something to do with her known predilection for androgynous, possibly gay genius types?

  • Did Arsenio just get sick or something and have to be absent the day of the shoot?

  • New Jack Swing: It works on so many levels.

  • Despite being able to dance like a god, Michael Jackson runs like a girl. This video proves it. This is the polar opposite of the situation in Major League where manager Lou Brown discovers that Willie Mays Hayes runs like Mays but hits "like shit."

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  • When chasing homicidal guards in an ancient Egyptian palace it is imperative to note the importance of taking time out to periodically pause to bust out a few killer dance moves and play with adorable little children.

  • Snakes in a basket? Always a crafty deterrant.

  • Walking like an Egyptian? Always a good idea.

  • MJ and Iman's kiss is the arguably the least believable on-screen make out in the post-George Michael era. Though if there was any on-screen chemistry between the King of Pop and Iman, it inevitably stemmed from Eddie Murphy's inexplicable decision to sing "Party all the Time" all the time during "love-making."

  • Not only is this the last great New Jack Swing song, but this video signaled the last great gasp of the 80s. It would be all downhill for Jacko, Magic and Murph after this one. But watching it again inevitably triggers nostalgia for a time when they were on top, in those halcyon days before The Magic Hour.

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