One Woman's Super Annoying, Super Lazy Quest to Meet Moby
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One Woman's Super Annoying, Super Lazy Quest to Meet Moby

Moby will hang out with anyone. It's practically written in the Constitution. Short only perhaps, of Bill Murray, everyone has their "hanging out with Moby" story: "Oh, my sister's college roommate's best friend's cousin made out with Moby last year" or "My neighbor sent him an email once and he just came by and hung out with him later that day."

But one woman can't seem to get Moby to hang out with her. And she really, really, likes him. So much so that she created a whole Tumblr about it. It's sort of like that guy who wanted to go on a date with Drew Barrymore, except much, much lamer. It's called The Moby Project.

Nella Gueremy, a French student living in Montreal, thinks Moby will spend time with her if she annoys enough of his friends and colleagues, and every music publication in existence.

Her stupid story goes like this: Gueremy has been a Moby fan for ten years. He's her muse, the older brother she never had. Two years ago, she moved to Canada and after living in Quebec for a study-abroad program for a while, she decided she was going to meet her hero. Because, like, Montreal is closer to L.A., where Moby lives, than France. Unfortunately, she's right near the end of her two years; she started this project at the beginning of February, having only three months before returning to France.

Rather than raising funds herself or coming up with a cogent plan, however, she constructed an elaborate social media project to get other people to do her work for her. She began asking strangers by the dozen to tweet, email, Facebook, or y'know, just call Moby on her behalf. (She contacted the Weekly as well.) "I'm broke, he's far, what do you want us to do? I just hope he knows that I am not a stalker," she says in one of her YouTube videos.

Turns out that Moby was, believe it or not, actually down to hang out with her. His management told her earlier this month that he would totally have a meeting of the, um, mind, but the only catch was that she had to get herself to L.A. The very same day, she posted a video basically just giving up. How does one even get to L.A. from Montreal? There's a moat, right? An unscalable wall? A force field stretching from Saskatchewan down to Tierra del Fuego that only Moby can penetrate?

A few years ago, we covered a book-signing staring Shia LaBeouf and Marilyn Manson. The stars / bro-duo gave about ten days notice for their appearance and every alterna-kid made their way to Hollywood for it. One woman donned a cheap nurse's costume and hitchhiked her way to Hollywood from the Eastern shore of Maryland. It took her three days. Three. No one asked how she did it, because no one wanted to know. But she did it. She had a dream and she made it happen. When you're moonstruck and fanatical enough, damn it, that's how it's done.

Below: We have a plan for Ms. Gueremy!

Nella, forgive us if you don't, but you've got two functional legs, right? You gave yourself 90 days to meet the man who defines your life. How's about a good 90 day stroll? We know they've got Google Maps in Canada and you have at least one compatriot who's done it. Here, we'll show you.

This is a map.
This is a map.

Google Maps says that it will take you 942 hours to walk from Montreal to LA. If you walk 12 hours a day, then it will take you less than 80 days to hoof it here to meet your deity in the flesh. And, you'll get to, you know, see Kansas and stuff.

Or, you could take a $200 one way bus? Or fly? Or roller skate.

We're just saying, there's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an entitled maniac, so just get it done.

Let us know when you get here and we shall offer you well wishes.

Follow @PaulTBradley and @LAWeeklyMusic on Twitter and like us at LAWeeklyMusic.

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