[Editor's Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning scribe and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.]
Author's Note: Last week, I wrote about why One Direction's "This Is My Story" sucks.
Usually, whenever one of these pieces goes up (and they go up often), I get a handful of tweets or emails letting me know that (A) I am a faggot, or (B) I should go F myself. Occasionally, when someone has been especially offended, they'll even combine the two, which is truly inspired.
Following the One Direction post, however, I received something particularly special: A letter from "Dedicated Directioner" Ellen. I was a taken aback because there were no curse words and she didn't even accuse me of having placed things inside my butthole.
It was, however, unintentionally hilarious. Which is why I drew some pictures to make sense of the whole situation.
Speaking on the behalf of the Directioners, I feel that you have no right to write an entire hate article about this song and One Direction. Oh, so none of them can sing or dance? I wonder why they were put into a band on the X-Factor because Simon Cowell said that they were too valuable to lose? Because they could sing.
Can't dance? That's true, they even said it themselves, but so, do all boy bands have to be like the stereotypical boy bands? Why do you hate it so much? Just because you don't like the lyrics don't criticize them for it. You're taking them too literally. I mean, use your deep imagination skills.
Also, you take the lyrics from a different point of view compared to people who decide to enjoy the music. For example: "Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage," meaning he let his heart out for another person but they didn't take it, saying that he or she doesn't love him.
Another one: "Running after you is like chasing the clouds," meaning it's impossible for him to catch her because it's impossible to catch a cloud. You could go under it, over it and pass through it, but never could you ever catch a cloud.
The reason One Direction are still here is because they are the most successful boy band on earth. They have great personalities, are down to earth people. You don't have many stories of them causing trouble, unlike Justin Bieber. And they have the most dedicated fan bases around the world. They constantly donate and do things for charities, as well as visiting children's hospitals.
All of them have different personalities; caring, funny, carefree, flirty, mysterious.
Oh, and then hating on Mumford & Sons? They create great music as well, like "Carry On Wayward Son" used in Supernatural, one of the best BBC TV series. And finally, this Patrick Swayze guy, drinking and driving a plane huh? OHHHH and then hiding the evidence? Don't compare dead people to living people; they're just not the same anymore. How would you feel if someone wrote a hate article about Patrick Swayze?
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DO NOT JOKE ABOUT THIS, ELLEN. DON'T YOU DARE. --shea
Everyone has feelings, famous or not, and I expect you to acknowledge that and think about what other people would feel before you say or do anything.
I would like to hear your response please.
Ellen, A Dedicated Directioner."