Lady GaGa at Nokia: A Review of the Concert We Wanted to See

View more photos in Timothy Norris' "Lady GaGa @ Nokia Theatre" slideshow.

Lady GaGa gigged at the Nokia Theatre on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Timothy Norris got a photo pass, but Universal Music didn't provide West Coast Sound with a review ticket, or even reply to our emails asking for one. Because we weren't there, we're going to wing it and write a review of the show that we wanted to see.

GaGa
GaGa
Timothy Norris

Within moments of her arrival, Lady GaGa was flashing her tiny imaginary penis at the crowd. Unbelievable!

GaGa
GaGa
Timothy Norris

She looked AWESOME, and smelled even better. From our seat, her breath smelled of the finest petunias, and her underarm pits were the scent of Moet. Her hair was FABULOUS.

Her ass was smokin'.
Her ass was smokin'.
Timothy Norris
Call the fire department!
Call the fire department!
Timothy Norris

At one point GaGa was rocking so hard she actually CAUGHT FIRE. In this image, her backup dancers and some mysterious masked firemen had just finished successfully dousing her with water. Phew, disaster averted.

GaGa, a hunchback
GaGa, a hunchback
Timothy Norris

One thing that's not apparent from music videos that Lady GaGa is a hunchback. From the back, she's neckless, and her ass rides really high. It's kind of weird. She wears those mirror suits to deflect the attention away from her disfigured body.

Dancers ask if there's a doctor in the house.
Dancers ask if there's a doctor in the house.
Timothy Norris

When she was on fire, she flailed around screaming, and in the process she messed up her lower back. She started complaining, and was barely able to continue the show. Some of her dancers became worried for her safety during "Let's Dance," and asked if there was a doctor in the house. Alas, though there were many Burger King employees, major label publicists and production assistants in attendance, the doctors were few and far between.

A chiropractor and a massage therapist tried to help GaGa
A chiropractor and a massage therapist tried to help GaGa
Timothy Norris

Finally a massage therapist and a chiropractor made their way up to the stage, and were able to restore enough mobility for her to continue. Phew!

GaGa had to limp for most of the show because of the bad back.
GaGa had to limp for most of the show because of the bad back.
Timothy Norris

Despite her back troubles, GaGa is a trooper. She walked all cockeyed for the rest of the night, and was pretty whiny. For her encore, she performed the entirety of Meat Loaf's 'Bat Out of Hell.'

The masked firemen who protected GaGa from the flames.
The masked firemen who protected GaGa from the flames.
Timothy Norris

The heroes of the night were the masked firemen, pictured above. Without them, Lady GaGa would be toast right now. Yay for the firemen!

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