Henry Rollins: The Column! Hunting, Gut Stew, and Sex With Your Sister
[Look for your weekly fix from the one and only Henry Rollins right here on West Coast Sound every Thursday, and come back tomorrow for the awesomely annotated playlist for his Saturday KCRW broadcast.]
Still in Australia, get used to it! I will be here for quite a while. Things are going very well here. I am several shows in, and the audiences have been great. The icing on the cake is that the record stores have been quite forthcoming: Jimi Hendrix's Are You Experienced mono Japanese pressing and the Record Store Day Devo Live in Seattle 1981 2-LP set at reasonable prices were welcome additions. Not to mention Total Control's Henge Beat album, direct from the band, with some of their members showing up at one of our Melbourne shows.
As we were discussing last week, Australia is full of great bands, with more coming up all the time. I just got a great stack of singles from the Vicious Sloth record store in Melbourne. I must confess, I am not familiar with any of them, but the A-sides sounded great so I picked them up. I will get them all into future radio shows this year as soon as I can.
At this moment, we are blasting down the highway, straight outta Sydney for a show in Newcastle, about a three-hour drive. Not looking forward to this, postshow getting back to the hotel, but that's how it is. We are listening to a live CD called Odd Din by Australian band Scattered Order, which road manager Ward brought along for our journey. Head-ripping noise jams!
A few nights ago, I was on a popular television talk show here called Gordon Street Tonight, hosted by Adam Hills and Hannah Gadsby. They are both extremely funny. The guests were me, brilliant U.K. comedian Simon Amstell and the daughter of Steve Irwin, the 13-going-on-31-year-old Bindi, the most intense child I have ever been around in my entire life.
As Bindi went on in her singsong, utterly demonic prepared infomercial statements about her family's zoo and fond memories of her departed father, I looked out at the horrified audience, who stared at her in slack-jawed unease. I found myself leaning so far away from her and her mother that I was almost in Simon's lap.
At one point Simon became completely exasperated and exploded. "Who's writing this stuff for you?" Bindi stopped, smiled and kept on talking. It's time for another chapter of The Omen -- screenwriters, get your pens uncapped!
Lest we take ourselves too seriously, this is part of an interview I did for a local paper here, called The Weekly Review:
"What I ate this week: Coyote. I saw an adult male downrange while out with my falcon. Strange to see one out in the day. I had my Tykon 228 PressureMax bow with me and two 447 WhackMaster arrows, graphite shaft-Teflon tip, oh yeah. One arrow, one shot, one kill. I cleaned the animal and prepped the coat while stark naked because I'm cool like that. The guts make good stew, and the tendons can be used as kite string.
What I drank this week: Mead. Aristotle's Stash microbrew. It's made and bottled by dry lepers up the road from here.
What I cooked this week: Coyote. Scorpion. Confetti.
Define love: That's easy. The Glock 22 Gen4. Sensitive and affectionate, good listener, can deal with my "Aquarian complexity" and still be a comfortably concealed asset.
What I bought this week: It's not really what, it's more whom. I can't get my attorney on the phone to see if it's legal to talk about it.
Religion in three words: Corporations are people!
Define happiness: Casting my BassPro UltraMariner rod with Goatwire EZ Braid line, baited with Peruvian vampire bat wing into the stream and pulling out an 11-pound leprechaun with his little green hat still on.
Best trait: I will always try to have sex with your sister.
Worst trait: I will always try to have sex with my sister.
Greatest fear: That someday I won't be the largest arms dealer in the world.
Celebrity crush: In 2005, Ingmar Bergman and I were in Ulan-Ude, Mongolia, hunting Bactrian. Well, not the camel itself but its droppings. Apparently, all they eat is psilocybin mushrooms and what they leave behind, as it were, is supposedly really strong. Well, long story short, we scored big-time. There's Bergy, stoned out of his mind, talking to a Bactrian male. The Bactrian, I swear, was so high, it fell forward onto Bergy and pinned him to the ground for several minutes until it got up and staggered away. We laughed about that one for days! Even with a splint and walking with crutches, he was a riot. Nothing like his films.
Funniest childhood moment: In grade 3, I wrote E=mc2 on the chalkboard and everyone laughed.
When you've shown your age: When the dairy police swing by my farm and ask why my cows have one more udder than others. They always pull my I.D. Udder than that, I can't remember another occasion.
Most inspiring musical moment: Performing "Part II -- Resolution" from John Coltrane's A Love Supreme on a tenor glonchordia with the Canton Spinnerettes.
Words of wisdom: "Don't dive into the lake with your breakfast on your head."
We are 20 kilometers from Newcastle. The sun is setting and the view is marvelous. More shows and record stores to go -- we're just getting warmed up. Until next week, mate!
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