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HARD Fest Preview: How HARD Are You?

HARD Fest Preview: How HARD Are You?

Illustration by Fred Noland

HARD Summer Music Festival takes place this Saturday, Aug. 6 at downtown's Los Angeles State Historic Park. It's easily the best electronic music festival to annually pass through town. Not only are the lineups consistently quality, but you can attend without getting trampled. (Literally.) But the crowds have a tendency to devolve into cliché. Here's a field guide.

Douchey USC Brah

Style: No shirt, cargo shorts, neon bandanna

Substance abused: Will tell his friends only alcohol but is searching desperately for coke and E.

There to see: Skrillex

Beware: He will try to fight you, or else he may try to have sex with you.

Hypebeast Hip-Hop Skateboarder

Style: Supreme and Nikes

Substance abused: Medicinal

There to see: Odd Future

Beware: If you don't want to get a contact high, don't stand too close.

"Sorry for Partying" Raver Girl

Style: "Candy" bracelets, glasses with no lenses, piece of cloth to cover her nips

Substance abused: Candyflip

There to see: Boys Noize

Beware: Is she slutty or does she just want you to think so? At the end of the day, she just wants your drugs.

Kid Who Missed Comic-Con

Style: The Warriors duds and slutty manga stuff

Substance abused: Ecstasy

There to see: Duck Sauce

Beware: Like a little kid wearing his Halloween costume to school, they're desperate for attention.

Creepy Guy, Too Old, Too Alone

Style: Jeans and a T-shirt

Substance abused: Cashed out, but there's still some resin in this pipe!

There to see: The chicks

Beware: His Ph.D. studies were focused on Megan's Law.

Honorable Mention: Hipster Indie Kid, not dressed for the occasion, just came to check out the dudes from LCD Soundsystem's disco tent and some Chromeo and Ratatat. He will be mocking others, but the joke will be on him, because everyone else is having the time of their lives (like Johnny and Baby).