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Bringin’ Sassy Back

So wrong its right: Drag queen Jackie Beat covers Van Halen. (Photos by Lina Lecaro)

{mosimage} Nightranger’s nesting period has come to an end. (Special thanks to Miss Alie “Mental” Ward for filling in during our break.) Speaking of new moms: Since she’s single and ready to mingle, it’s no big surprise that Britney Spears has been frequenting the typical L.A. celeb cesspools, like Hyde, Teddy’s and Area the past few months, but it looks like now the popstress is hanging (and lettin’ it all hang out) where she’ll be blindly worshiped no matter what tragic fashion choices she makes.

Our pals over at gayfest Tigerheat (Thursdays at Arena on Santa Monica Blvd.) tell us Ms. Spears caused quite a commotion at the club two weeks back. They say Brit strayed from the VIP lounge, reveling in the love of the hoi polloi by repeatedly walking through the main dance room with bodyguards in tow. You may have heard that one overzealous femme-bot who got a little too close was shot with a Taser gun. Well, it’s true, but we hear the fans weren’t the only ones who were man-handled. Even the owner’s boyfriend fell victim to the rough ways of Spears’ burly boys. Frenzied fans bashed each other with their cell phones in their quest for a photo, and some boys even threw their tighty whiteys in the air hoping to get her attention. Other Brit tidbits: “Her boots were hideous!”... “She looked bloated, I didn’t even think it was really her!”... “Bad extensions”...

Okay, maybe we were wrong about the gays’ blind worship. B also visited WeHo wonderland The Abbey the next night, and just last week, Hamburger Mary’s... Can’t let a Spears item go by without weighing in on her clothing ensembles of late. We won’t jump on the “bad mom” bandwagon regarding Britney’s club-hopping lifestyle; sadly, though, Brit has definitely broken three important Post-Pregnancy Fashion Rules in recent months. They are as follows:

1. Accentuate your newly ample bosoms; don’t let ’em pop out of your top.

2. Wear hair in a natural-looking, casual style — like a ponytail. Changing hormones levels make hair extra-fragile, so don’t do too much with it. Overdyeing and extensions are a no-no right now.

3. Panty lines are a bitch, but wear undies, especially post-preggo. Stuff is still going on down there that nobody wants to see.

{mosimage}MySpace or Yours?

We couldn’t have found a better way to submerge ourselves in the scenester seas than with the “MySpace Guide to L.A.” party last Wednesday at Element, presented by BPM magazine. We’ve been out of the loop for months, but this one made it clear: Little has changed among the hip-snipped, hot-mess masses who huddle around Steve Aoki and Shepard Fairey’s turntable muddles. Those two, along with Adam 12 of She Wants Revenge, provided sounds at the do, and also appear in this month’s BPM. The party was so packed, trying to scope out cover boy Tom Anderson was a Where’s Waldo-like affair. (Tom, the cofounder of MySpace, is cute — but in a boy-next-door kinda way. He didn’t exactly stand out among all the baseball-capped BMX boys and ghetto-gold rockin’ gals.)

We had so many questions for the Web wunderkind too, like: Is there really a way to see who’s been peeping your profile? What about all the pervs and shitty bands on the site? Have you hooked up with lotsa ladies through your page? Alas, when we finally spotted the man, he had a hot Latina on his arm (the answer to the last question’s gotta be yes) and a crowd of admirers too thick to penetrate. Dude’s a rockstar. He is everybody’s first MySpace friend, after all. We did babble a bit with Project Runway runner-up Santino Rice and last season’s tatted winner, Jeffrey Sebelia. (Both designers are much sweeter than seemed on “reality” TV.) Other VIPs in da house: N’Sync’s Joey Fatone and ER doc/Darby Crash impersonator Shane West, both of whom have MySpace pages, though we have no idea if they’re real. Check out the new BPM for profiles of local jewelry designer Han Cholo — who’s opening a shop with White Trash Charms Brooke D soon — and promoter Keith Wilson, who just debuted his new “over 19” monthly, Calling All DJs at Avalon, a megaclub for the young, skinny-jean & Converse contingent.

Lipstick Boys & Other Toys

Rare photographs from two weird & wonderful classic films — Performance and The Man Who Fell to Earth — were unveiled for the first time at the Darkrm Gallery opening show last Saturday, attracting everyone from Masque’d man Brendan Mullen to rock shutterbug Lisa Johnson to retro queen Kari French. The bright overhead lighting was a bit too much for moi, but it perfectly highlighted the gorgeous shots of stars Mick Jagger and David Bowie, which are shockingly cheap: $150-$200 (since they’re open-edition prints). You can buy ’em thru Feb. 24. After the opening, the pretty-boy bonanza continued at Hang the DJs at The Echo, where the New York Dolls-ish S’Cool Girls turned in a surprisingly tight set of non-ironic pop-metal. (Hey, when did these cats get good?) Glad to see Scarlett Casanova’s monthly indie gathering is still flying high — by the time we left, the line to get in practically hit the Brite Spot! Later, we joined an even more femmed-out flock o’ fellas freezing outside the Dragstrip 66 anniversary soiree at Safari Sam’s. Got there just in time to see the jungle-themed midnight show, featuring trash-talkin’ tigress Jackie Beat covering “Running With the Devil” and hostess Gina Lotriman doing a queen-a-fied version of Sir Elton’s “Circle of Life,” from The Lion King. A roarin’ good time was had by all.

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