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Bone Thugs-N-Harmony Week Day 4: Searching For the Elusive Identity of the "Ghetto Cowboy"

I actually own this on CD-single, which is either keeping it real, or keeping it really retarded.

  • From the first moments of the reel, one can immediately infer that the film is going to be of quality. Why? The stamp of quality from Mo' Thugs Family Features. Like the ill-fated male fortuneteller scheme alluded to in "1st of tha' Month," the film company was yet another financial miscalculation for Bone. Though to be fair, the company did churn out several pictures of high repute, including Thug Scuba Diver, Ghetto Holy Roman Emperor, and Thuggish Ruggish Mortgage Broker.

  • Ghetto Cowboys apparently love the harmonica. They too understand that the harmonica is the most undervalued instrument in rock. Well, that and the mandolin. (Oh, Arcade Fire, you're so precious.)

  • Counting your money seems to a prerequisite, which may or may not involve a mastery of the abacus.

The Word "Abacus": Easily One of 10 Most Fun Words to Say Out Loud

  • As the video demonstrates, no one should have been allowed to wear a cowboy hat after the year 1980. This would have spared us Toby Keith, Keith Urban, and Keith Von Keith (he's huge in Nashville). The only people who should be allowed to wear cowboy hats are those who had worn them pre-Urban Cowboy, people who rustle cattle, and arguably, the cast of City Slickers. What can I say? Who isn't a huge Bruno Kirby fan.

  • A key factor in pinning down what makes a ghetto cowboy is the penetrating psychological insight that can be gleaned from Krayzie's attitude towards kidnapping the mayor's daughter. While he seems to be averse towards kidnapping, he is torn because she's "with it." While one must consider this a fictional tale, we still must wonder where Krayzie drew his inspiration from. The Iliad? Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? The California State Prison system?

  • Krayzie Bone's usage of the phase "rootin' tootin" may be the only time in the history of hip-hop that it has been used. The other possible instance may have come on The Posse Soundtrack, specifically Tone Loc's suspiciously homoerotic , "Posse Love."

Paris of Troy: The First Ghetto Cowboy?

  • Let it not be said also that this song would also have been the only time in rap history that the phrase "Whoa' Nelly" had been uttered, were if not for Keith Jackson's surprisingly credible solo debut.

  • On first glance, Thug Queen is quite attractive, which is obviously her only reason for getting into Mo' Thugs (it can't be talent.) However, as the video progresses it's abundantly clear that she's being shot at more flattering angles than a Myspace page. 90 percent are neck up and the other 10 percent feature her swathed in a poncho. To further deepen my suspicions, she's a professional horse rustler and let's be honest, horse rustlers just aren't as attractive as they used to be.

  • "Layzie the Kid" delivers a great verse, so much that it catapults him to fourth place on the list of greatest kids of all-time, behind Billy the, Jason, and Capt.

(Cross)Bone Thugs-N-Piracy

  • Powder P, Mo Thug's token cracker, may in fact be the Jackie Robinson of white weed carriers (or at least the Larry Dobby). This was 1998, the pre-Eminem days., the man was a revolutionary who paved the path for Paul Wall, Sean Wiggs and Joe Scudda. Every time those guys get a groupie, they should thank Powder P for making it possible.

  • Or not. Power P was a disaster on the microphone, as white weed carriers are wont to be. He uses the phrase "purty clever," his voice is nasally and weak and he calls himself Powder P, obviously unaware of the craptastic albino film, Powder, that had been released a few years earlier. But instead of ruining the song, Powder P only adds to its charm. Indeed, the only thing more absurd than Bone Thugs writing a song about being "ghetto cowboys" is adding a white weed carrier named Powder. The only way any weed white carrier could top that is if he calls himself, the Rap I Am Sam. Of course, there is simply the possibility that Powder is really Brother Ali.

  • As the song concludes, we see the ruthless efficiency of the Ghetto Cowboy model. While the mystery of who and what would make for the ideal ghetto cowboy remains elusive, Bone Thugs leave us several suggestions. Ultimately, one must turn to the phrase that bookends the song: "you better count your money." According to Passion of the Weiss composite sketch artists, we believe that the ideal ghetto cowboy is actually the man you see below.

You Better Count Your Money, You Better Count Your Money


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