If Oscars were handed out for fake snow, director John Moore�s bleary, dreary, sub�Sin City big-screen video game would clean up like Ben-Hur: by the 50th exterior shot strewn with fistfuls of art-directed dandruff, a viewer stuck in this film-noir snow globe feels like W.C. Fields in �The Fatal Glass of Beer.� Trudging sullenly through Moore�s winter wonderland is avenging lawman Mark Wahlberg, tracking the syndicate responsible for his family�s murder. The role requires Wahlberg to run the gamut of emotions from A to A as he opens doors, glowers, assembles guns, glowers, points guns, glowers�and, for a big finish, glowers. (Even if he endows Max Payne with min brayne, the actor still comes off better than Mila Kunis, a vengeful assassin by way of a Macy�s makeup counter, or Chris �Ludacris� Bridges, who plays bad-ass Lieutenant Bravura as if his name were Rookie Nondescript.) At least the summer�s dunderheaded Wanted indulged its thrill-junkie jones for destruction without shame: Apart from one cool effects shot of a dragon-winged demon whisking a thug from a high-rise window�you�ve seen it in the trailer�and a constructivist fistfight rendered in comic-book panels of discrete motion, this joyless, humorless third-person-shooter cheats even on its modest promise of mindless mayhem. The only moment that even mildly ruffles the harbinger-of-doom PG-13 rating belongs to future Bond girl Olga Kurylenko, who peels off her dress with NC-17 aplomb�then vanishes from the movie, proving more adept than anyone else involved at dodging a bullet.
John MooreMark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Beau Bridges, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Chris O'Donnell, Donal Logue, Amaury Nolasco, Kate Burton, Olga Kurylenko, Rothaford GrayThomas H. Fenton, Sam LakeScott Faye20th Century Fox