Jersey Shore Massacre (R)
Comedy 88 min. August 22, 2014
Tarnopol opens nearly every scene with a shot of a bikini-clad woman adjusting her cleavage, but in the contest for who's dumber, the over-tanned guys win, hands down. The send-up is sometimes funny but mostly boring (like the show itself). When the killer finally arrives, rusty tools in hand, the director makes an awkward shift into Friday the 13th mode. Even Jersey Shore haters aren't likely to grin when the killer takes a hatchet to one woman's breasts or uses an electric sander to de-tattoo one of the hunks. Watching the hopelessly vapid get taken out, one by one, has never been more depressing.