Chronically Metropolitan suffers from an incurable case of Whiny White Boy Syndrome -- and from a terrible title. Prodigal son Fenton (yes, Fenton) returns to Manhattan after a self-imposed exile thanks to backlash for his too-autobiographical New Yorker story. His father — an author, professor and bedder of students -- has gotten into a car crash caused by an ill-advised combination of road head and coke bump. Here, Chris Noth does his best Al Pacino rasp, bringing rascally charm to the wily professor. That accident coincidentally comes just before Fenton's ex, Jessie, marries her new British boyfriend. Wouldn't you know, Fenton now is eager to win her back, publish the next Great American Novel, and fix his rep.
Both father and son are glorified man-children who literally write themselves as the leads of their own stories. So it shouldn't be surprising that Chronically Metropolitan's women are underserved by both the script and the leads, tossed aside once the thrill of the chase has subsided.
Director Xavier Manrique's film fails to drum up more than clichés about rich-people problems. This feels like a waste when the cast includes Noth and Mary-Louise Parker, who are delightfully nasty as bickering parents, no thanks to stale dialogue. Aside from a nod to Parker's pot-slinging mom from Weeds, there's little to cheer in this self-serious family drama that includes such predictable shenanigans as adultery, divorce and trying to stop a wedding.