Music To Party Like a Duckfucker
Gotta have music at the party. At some point, the conversation will turn to something like Whoa, sounds like your mom is some sick bitch. Guess thats where you got it, huh? But a crippling silence will not ensue, cuz some trusty soul will grab the auditory crutch for a sudden subject change: What is that interesting music youre playing? Better not be the Beatles or Motown, you boring idiot.
Instrumental bebop is good for a small party. Its perky and smart, and there are no words to compete with the company. Piano especially: Bud Powell, or related pre-bop overachievers like Art Tatum, maybe Errol Garner. Keeps the energy up. For larger symposiums of drunken, slobbering bozos (your friends), who the hell cares? Its just gotta be loud and fast. I was once complimented on a party compilation Id made, and all Id done was pick the fastest cuts I could think of. No Ramones albums allowed, though how lazy can you get?
Its a fallacy that cheerful music is always appropriate for a party. If you have a lot of pals who are suicidally depressed (and you do), play loud mournful music for em. Q: What kind of people know how to party like duckfuckers? A: People whose lives are absolute shit. So ancient music from Northern Africa, where theres been nothing but war and grinding poverty for 5,000 years, boogies like Cain. Anything with ghaitas on it is great, and Moroccos Master Musicians of Jajouka rule ask Brian Jones, who celebrated himself to death listening to it. Just as effective is Jamaican dub, which is the sound of colonial slavery and the sound of irresistible bootyshake combined. You say weve got that on our own soil in the form of John Lee Hooker? Damn straight; bring him on!
Okay, now its 1 a.m. Just as important as making your guests happy is making them miserable enough to get their bleary, babbling faces out of your house so you can crash. And its easy: All youll need is one album by noise-jazz great Albert Ayler, whose waves of squalling sax interspersed with twisted nursery rhymes almost nobody can stand. Dont invite me, though, because the Ayler treatment wont work: Ill still be pissing on your rose bed at dawn. And when I finally leave, Ill steal the CD.
Songs To Get the Party Started
You Dropped a Bomb on Me: Gap Band
Party Train: Gap Band
Atomic Dog: George Clinton
White Lines: Grandmaster Flash
The Message: Grandmaster Flash
Rappers Delight: Sugar Hill Gang
Me, Myself and I: De La Soul
Paid in Full: Eric B & Rakim
Treat em Right: Chubb Rock
Treat Her Right: Roy Head
A Love Bizarre: Sheila E.
I Feel for You: Chaka Khan
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