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Live! Onstage! Real Pochos!

These pochos are ready to rumble. See Sunday.

Dave CarterThese pochos are ready to rumble. See Sunday.

FRIDAY, July 25

Dave Carter

(Click to enlarge)

These pochos are ready to rumble. See Sunday.

“Saddlesore Galactica,” “Skinner’s Sense of Snow,” “Papa Don’t Leech,” “Behind the Laughter.” If you’re a Simpsons fan, you know those episodes were credited to writer-producer Tim Long, a 10-year veteran of the show. Long will share Simpsonian stories at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre — a rare opportunity to hear some real dirt about the funniest show on teevee. You’ll see clips and hear scoopage on celebrity guests. Long tips us off: “Simpsons writers never try to put profanity on the show for its own sake — except for me. When I get all possible synonyms for ‘wang’ on the air, I know it’ll be time to retire.” Yes, there’s more tippage: “It’s the offbeat guest stars I treasure most. For one episode, I had to spend an hour coaxing Mr. T. into speaking Hebrew. Afterward, I had that same horrible feeling Neil Armstrong must have: I knew that the greatest moment of my life was now over.” And, “the Fox censors make the oddest choices. We sent them one script where Homer confesses to his priest that he’d masturbated 1,000 times. The censor said, ‘No, unacceptable.’ So we changed it to 1 million times, and they said, ‘Fine.’ It’s the religious stuff that makes the censors go nuts. You can show Itchy feeding Scratchy his own heart on a bed of rice, and that’s fine; but refer to Jesus as ‘Ned Flanders’ imaginary friend’ and they go bananas.” Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, 5919 Franklin Ave., Hlywd.; Fri., July 25,8 p.m.; $8. (323) 908-8702.

SATURDAY, July 26

Have you been to the new Largo version 310? It’s a whole different vibe: theater seating, no food, and drinks aren’t even allowed inside. (The alcohol license is still pending, so it’s coffee and tea in the courtyard for now.) What hasn’t changed is the truly stellar entertainment. Take this night, for example: The Greg Proops Chat Show features the nice-smelling, bespectacled comic welcoming possible musical genius Jon Brion and probable musical wisecrackers Flight of the Conchords. Largo at the Coronet, 366 N. La Cienega Blvd., L.A.; Sat., July 16, 9 p.m.; $25. (310) 855-0350.

SUNDAY, July 27

If you need your Culture Clash fix, here ya go: Clash of the Pochos, “a Benefit Kicking Off KPFK’s 50th Anniversary Year 1959–2009.” Do the rad-libs really need to explain what “50 Years” means? And why “Anniversary Year” when “Anniversary” would do just as well? And speaking of public-radio jargon we need to chase off the face of the Earth — why do certain NPR-related DJs insist on using the phrase “in the 10 o’clock hour”? Please, someone explain. Anyway, here we have the aforementioned Culture Clash performing rarely seen bits of satire; plus, longtime L.A. Weekly cartoonist Lalo Alcaraz and his Pocho Hour of Power demonstrate pocho power, and Mezlah provides the music. John Anson Ford Amphitheatre, 2580 Cahuenga Blvd. East, Hlywd.; Sun., July 27, 8 p.m.; $25 & $35. (310) 461-3673. For pre-show reception tickets, call (818) 985-2711, ext. 214.

MONDAY, July 28

Steve Martin once said, “You can’t be sad when you’re playing the banjo.” And when it comes to the ukulele, you can’t not be cute when you’re strumming the Hawaiian interpretation of the small Portuguese guitar called a cavaquinho (thank you, Mr. Internet). Kate Micucci writes these sweet songs and plays a mean uke in Playing With Micucci. Might we have a new Nellie McKay in the making? Steve Allen Theater at the Center for Inquiry–West, 4773 Hollywood Blvd., Hlywd.; Mon., July 28,8 p.m.; $10. (323) 666-4268.

TUESDAY, July 29

It isn’t the humans who choose to live downtown that I feel sorry for, it’s their dogs. For them, living in a loft is worse than being on the streets — at least your homeless master hangs around with you all day. Downtown’s doggy denizens have only concrete for their romps when they do get out of their cells, but at least there is lots of different urine to sniff. The second annual Downtown Dog Day is a mixer thrown by the Downtown Center Business Improvement District. Take your pooch and meet neighbors you will never see again. Bring a photo of you and your dog for the “Downtown Dogs Wall of Fame” (because dogs just love looking at photos). Plaza at the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels, 555 W. Temple St., dwntwn.; Tues., July 29, 6-9 p.m.; free, parking is $5; RSVP: dogs@downtownla.com.

WEDNESDAY, July 30

There’s a kid turning 7 today I want to wish a happy birthday. Dear Mojo, when you become a teenager, I hope you don’t have major angst in your pants like the young ingrates in Rebel Without a Cause. Oh, and don’t steal cars or play with guns. ArcLight Hollywood, 6360 W. Sunset Blvd., Hlywd.; Wed., July 30, 8 p.m.; $12. (323) 464-4226.

THURSDAY, July 31

Attention, artists (and aspiring artists): You have a rare opportunity to sketch human bodies, both live and plastinated, at Body Worlds 3 Artist Night. Join other anatomy lovers and attempt to interpret the human specimens that have been stripped down to their skeletal, muscular and cardiovascular systems. California Science Center, 700 Exposition Park Dr., L.A.; Thurs., July 31, 5-9 p.m. (last entry 7:30 p.m.); $16.95 (participants must be 18 or older). (323) 724-3623 or www.californiasciencecenter.org.