¡Ask a Mexican! Uncivil Torta

My girls and I work at a Mexican restaurant, and the Mexican cooks are so infatuated with the Mexican Sandwich. Is this a cultural practice for all horny amigos?

—From the Curious Center of the Mexican Sandwich

Dear Gabacha: This column has discussed many of the Mexican ?male’s courting rituals, from lecherous whistles to stares that can bore through underwire bras and the ?ever-romantic slap on the ass. But few gestures are more revered among Mexican men than the torta, what you call the Mexican Sandwich. Two hombres grab an unsuspecting ?mujer — preferably a gabacha — and proceed to bump and grind her a là Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan’s “Night at the Roxbury” skit on Saturday Night Live. Instant torta! Sexual harassment? Por supuesto — damn straight. But don’t call HR just yet, ladies. Consider this: Being in the center of a torta is a profoundly powerful experience, and the best sexual harassment ?you’ll ever experience. The Mexicans involved will only bandy you around like a pinball — ask them to stop, ?and they will. If you want the torta to reach the next level — say, a squirt of mayonnaise — the decision is ?yours, chula. And if you don’t enjoy tortas? Chuy gets a one-way bus ?ride to Mexico.

Got a spicy question about ?Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at garellano@ocweekly.com. Questions will be edited for clarity, cabrones, and include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we’ll make one up

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