¡Ask a Mexican! Mail Calls
Dear Readers: It’s not just questions and racist rants that invade the Mexican’s mailbox — your feedback sneaks under my digital fence, también. Let’s start with Lean Like a K Street Chola, who wrote in a couple of weeks back wondering how she could explain to quizzical pals why Mexican women use lip-liner. The Mexican responded that such coloring “attracts men”; here’s her response:
Just one thing, muchacho: Not all women are interested in attracting hombres. Probably safer to not assume in the future. I’ve been pura lesbiana since before I was even a chola. I will grant that [using lip-liner] is probably to attract the mujeres machas. But a friend said she read somewhere that Latinas apply lipstick seven times more than non-Latinas, so perhaps it’s just genetic!
—Lean Like a K Street Chola
Muchas apologies, K Street Chola, but what did you expect from a macho Mexican man? Maybe Mexican women (of all sexual persuasions!) just like to look better for their homeboys and heinas than gabachas. And now, on to this week’s question:
Dear Mexican: Can you give me a good response when people ask me, “What ARE you, anyway?” My mother is Mexican, my father is white. I look sort of vaguely ethnic. I like “White-xican” but is there some better answer out there?
Dear Half-Wab: How about “¿A quien chingada le importa?” (“Who the fuck cares?”)? Seriously, few things peeve the Mexican more than when someone questions a person’s ethnic identity. I don’t care if it’s gabachos calling American citizens “anchor babies” or Mexican nationalists insisting someone must be born in Mexico to call themselves a Mexican. That’s why I love it when half-breeds create new terms to describe their dual heritages. “White-xican” is fine, but dig further into your gabacho papi’s past to create something better. My favorites are leprecano (half-Mexican, half-Irish), beaner-wiener (half-Mex, half-Kraut), Puerto Nortalian (quarter–Puerto Rican, quarter-Italian, half-Norwegian) and Korexican (the child of a Korean-and-Mexican marriage). Got any more, gentle readers? The Mexican will publish the best ones in the coming weeks!
Send e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. Or meet the Mexican in person at a book signing this Saturday at 7:30 p.m. at Borders, 1360 Westwood Blvd., L.A. (310) 475-3444.
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