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¡Ask a Mexican! El Pito Loco

Dear Mexican: I had never seen an uncircumcised penis before I saw one on a Mexican guy. I asked why he wasn’t circumcised, and he said it just isn’t done in Mexico. Oh, my God, the sex is so much better! Since being with this man, I’ve come to see the idiocy of circumcision in general. Why do Mexicans understand that cutting off part of a baby boy’s penis is CRAZY when our much more “civilized” American society thinks it is the best thing?

—White Girl in Love with Mexican Cock

Dear Gabacha: Mexicans didn’t always leave their newborn boy’s pito intact. The 1968 book Medicine in Mexico — From Aztec Herbs to Betatrons says Mexico’s indigenous peoples practiced circumcision until the Spaniards arrived, at which point the uncut conquistadors “swiftly stamped out circumcision” in the Americas. “They themselves did not practice it,” author Gordon Schendel wrote, “and the Catholic clergy then condemned any attention paid to genitalia as a barbaric and sinful obsession with sex. As a consequence, circumcision is not the custom today in Mexico, or in other Latin American countries.” Mexico doesn’t keep statistics on the number of wang-whackings performed each year, but the United States does: In the 1997 article “Cir­cum­cision in the United States: Prevalence, Prophylactic Effects, and Sexual Prac­tice,” Journal of the American Medical Association authors Edward O. Laumann, Christopher M. Masi and Ezra W. Zucker-­man concluded that only 54 percent of Latinos in the U.S. sported a sheared schlong, as opposed to 81 percent of gabachos and 65 percent of negritos. So your Latin lover was partly correct: Mexicans do lop off their love snakes, but not as frequently as gabachos. But chula, your great sex owes less to the penis than to the Mexican attached to it.

¡ASK A MEXICAN! CONTEST! The Mexican is looking for pictures of the most stereotypical Mexican-restaurant logos in the country to include in his upcoming book. If you’d like to see your picture in the libro, e-mail me at the address below. The five best pics will be included, and winners will receive a free, autographed copy of the book along with a lawn mowing of up to 200 square feet.

Got a spicy question? Ask the Mexican at garellano@ocweekly.com. For more answers, go to www.laweekly.com.