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10 Things Native Angelenos Can Learn From Transplants

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Mon, Apr 14, 2014 at 7:50 AM

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click to enlarge Pictured: Not a marine layer. - STEVEN BUSS, VIA FLICKR
6. That's not a marine layer; it's smog.
We hate to break it to you, but the reason you can't see the Hollywood sign (or the car in front of you) isn't a marine layer like you natives keep insisting. OK, it might be a marine layer, those aren't totally unheard of here, but marine layers aren't brown. Smog is brown. 

This city has come a long way in controlling its smog problem, so why not just own it when it happens? So many Angelenos act like that kid in elementary school with the bladder problem claiming his pants are wet because the sink sprayed all over him or something. WE KNOW THAT'S PISS, BRANDON.

5. Flour tortillas and light beer have their moments.
(Mostly) authentic Mexican food is something Los Angeles prides itself on. Which means corn tortillas on corn tortillas on corn tortillas on molé. And the craft beer movement has created a city-wide aversion to anything with a recognizable label.

Which is bullshit. Cheap, light beer is totally acceptable outside of a red Solo cup and nothing is wrong with a little Tex-Mex. Flour tortilla'd tacos and an ice-cold light brew are sometimes what you want. It's OK to admit it.

When it's 85 degrees out, in fact, heavy beer makes no sense. We want a Pabst or a Coors Light, maybe a Dos Equis. We want something watery that isn't gonna fill us up or leave a butt-coffee aftertaste. And flour tortillas for our tacos? Hell yeah! We actually like those better.
 
click to enlarge Pictured: Cold. - CORIZON CONNECTIONS, VIA FLICKR
4. What "cold" really means.
"Cold" is not 55 degrees, that's for certain. We're actually lucky in the sense that it's almost never actually cold here. Sometimes it's chilly, sometimes it's brisk, maybe even nippy - - but it's rarely cold. What is considered cold in L.A. is actually still flip-flop weather in Philly. Embrace the warm, hate the cold - - we won't judge, but know that us transplants put up with unbearable traffic, skyrocketing rent and constant drought for a reason; it's never cold! And that's super neat! 

3. Dressing up is fun, guys.

What's more: It's generally ill-advised to wear a spandex dress you got on sale at Forever 21 when you go out to the opera.

L.A. is weird in the sense that it seems so materialistic, yet dressing up for a night out on the town is almost unheard of. Maybe it's because of L.A.'s laidback culture. Maybe it's because wearing fur is just not an option on most nights (unless you're Rick Ross ... but you aren't Rick Ross, are you?). Either way, it's a bummer.

2. Tap water will not contribute to your death in any way (unless you plan on drowning in a bath tub).
Maybe the bottled water phenomena isn't exclusive to L.A. any more, but it's still a huge problem (and an inexplicable one). Tap water is not gross or dangerous. In many cases, it's more safe to drink than that plastic-encased bottled water. And that makes bottled water a huge waste of plastic and money, not to mention an addiction that destroying the planet.

Carrying a bottle around of name-brand water doesn't make you cool. It makes you part of the problem. Fun bonus fact: Evian is "naive" spelled backwards. Let that sink in. 

And the No. 1 thing Angelenos could learn from non-natives?

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