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Crazytown

6 L.A. Party Fouls Ruining Everyone's Night

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Tue, Dec 17, 2013 at 7:00 AM
click to enlarge MARK "COBRASNAKE" HUNTER
  • Mark "Cobrasnake" Hunter

Ah, the holidays.

Slack off a little, eat up and take a nip from that flask in your bottom drawer. It's the time of year when we appreciate loved ones, colleagues and even 'round-the-way faces just a little more. It's party time.

Beware the pitfalls of the holiday party, however. Be it work-related, bro-promoted or simply at the club, memories of a good FAIL at the festivities can last a lifetime. Here are the six holiday party fouls we see way too often in L.A:

click to enlarge FILE PHOTO BY TIMOTHY NORRIS FOR LA WEEKLY
  • File photo by Timothy Norris for LA Weekly

6. Being super late. Southern California's skewed scheduling can throw off even the most worldly of travelers. Wait: The invitation says 8, but if you show up before 8:30 it's considered a faux pas? Yes. But way too many of you go too far in the other direction -- you show up for a 7-to-10 party at 10 or later. Not cool.

Even worse, the excuses you offer. Let us translate your texts into what they really mean:

Leaving = Just now jumping in the shower.

On my way = Just getting into the car and turning the key.

Almost there = Still a few blocks from your own house.

Here = Halfway there.

Trying to find parking = Just got off the freeway.

Where are you? I don't see your car = Making a stop at the 7-Eleven a few blocks away.

Sigh. By this point, the person waiting for you is already drunk. Alone.

5. Using parties for free therapy. You're a little lit. Or maybe you're even well-toasted. But now is not the time to reveal to the coworker you just met that you were molested, served prison time or were severely bullied as a kid. And what's even worse are the only-in-L.A. stories. Your nanny won't work after 9 p.m.? You can't find a good personal assistant in this town? Echo Park used to be so cool (before you got there, no doubt)? The horror. Save it for your therapist, Debbie Downer. Remember, party people throw their hands in the air. Party people just don't care.

click to enlarge SNL'S 'DRUNK UNCLE' VIA NBC.
  • SNL's 'Drunk Uncle' via NBC.

4. Going "Drunk Uncle." The boozer who starts his conversation with racist views or extreme political rants is a rarity in SoCal these days. But he exists. How about those Mexicans. They keep comin'?! Speak English! Pete Wilson was a great governor! and, Those of you who voted for Obama are idiots! are not things you say at an L.A. party. Trust us. Keep your fighting words to yourself, no matter how sad you are about the state of America.

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