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5 Ways To Solve L.A. Traffic, Including Immigrant Driver's Ed

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Wed, Apr 24, 2013 at 9:04 AM

click to enlarge ROBERT VEGA / LA WEEKLY FLICKR POOL
  • Robert Vega / LA Weekly Flickr pool
See also: Traffic Experts Crap All Over Eric Garcetti's Million-Dollar Gridlock Prize.

Once again L.A. is the traffic nightmare capital of America, and much of that can be blamed on our own damn selves. We chose to live in a city with limited public transportation, far-out suburbs and already-stuffed roads. We drive to the 7-Eleven when we could easily walk.

But there are things that could be improved. Here are a few ideas, some radical, from this humble reporter and motorist:

click to enlarge JOSEPHINE RUNNEBOOM / LA WEEKLY FLICKR POOL
  • Josephine Runneboom / LA Weekly Flickr pool

5. Stiffer penalties for idiots. You wear your seatbelt and use your turn signals. Why? Getting busted is expensive. We need to make such typical L.A. douche moves like making a right turn from the middle of the street and merging onto boulevards like you're on a freeway onramp (stop signs be damned) capital offenses or at least wallet-busters. Stop the flow of traffic because you missed your shopping center driveway -- and now you're going to make a line of cars wait as you hit the brakes and figure it out? $500 fine. Maybe that'll make people more aware.

click to enlarge P.V.O.G. / FLICKR
  • P.V.O.G. / Flickr

4. Better enforcement priorities. It's clear that the LAPD has had ticket quotas for at least some of its cops. And it's clear that the department has run so called fish-in-a-barrel "ticket traps." Why? Well, these are great fund-raising activities for a city perpetually swimming in red ink. But these actions often hurt traffic as much as they help it, by impeding flow in the right lane and causing the dreaded "spectator slowing." Everything grinds to a halt.

How about a clear directive from LAPD Chief Charlie Beck that traffic cops must focus their ticket-writing time on violations (see above) that actually hinder traffic in the most congested city in America? All traffic stops would have to be conducted out of traffic so that cops aren't blocking the right lane, too. Those middle-lane right turners and busting-through-the-right-of-way-to-get-to-the-mall drivers would be enemy number one. Hey, maybe even give Metro bus drivers that don't pull their rigs all they way to the right lane at bus stops a ticket once in a while. Make a statement that clear, flowing traffic is a priority in this town, and that drivers here aren't just wallets with cars.

click to enlarge MARK LEUTHI / LA WEEKLY FLICKR POOL
  • Mark Leuthi / LA Weekly Flickr pool

3. Mandatory retirement. This is the third rail of traffic problems in Southern California. Here's the straight talk: Older drivers suck. They lose their reflexes. They get confused. They're dangerous. They hold up traffic, make 18-point turns in the middle of the boulevard and, more often than you think, end up driving into (or on top of) buildings because of "accidental acceleration." They're a problem.

But you won't find any politician standing up for, say, 65-and-older mandatory driver retirement. Why? Because oldsters vote and you don't. Just never forget this guy.

click to enlarge MARK LUETHI / LA WEEKLY FLICKR POOL
  • Mark Luethi / LA Weekly Flickr pool

2. Immigrant driver training. Oh no he didn't. He did! Here's the thing: Pick your favorite bad driver stereotype -- the Mexican, the Korean, the Iranian -- and they all have something in common. The targets of your ire are immigrants. Immigrants, in general, are not so good at driving, in our experience. They don't know the rules or the flow of our roads, plain and simple.

It's not genetic. The children of Asians inspired the Fast and The Furious film franchise, for Christ's sake. It's not difficult to pin down the real problem here -- a clear lack of decent driver education in America. (Look at how they train drivers in some Scandinavian countries.) We need to tack on mandatory road instruction for anyone who wants to get a visa, green card, or dish-washing job. Seriously. L.A. would be a much better (and smoother-flowing place). There, we said it.

Which brings us to our number one traffic solution:

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