Vardan Aslanyan, DUI Suspect Who Blamed CHP Chase on God, Now Blames Own 'Swag'

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Thu, Jun 21, 2012 at 5:00 PM
click to enlarge Vardan Aslanyan does Vardan Aslanyan. - FOX11
  • Fox11
  • Vardan Aslanyan does Vardan Aslanyan.

The stench of bath salts coming from Hollywood is getting a little too strong to ignore.

Not saying we know for sure what 29-year-old Vardan Aslanyan was on when he led CHP officers on an hour-long, over-100-MPH, four-freeway chase through the San Fernando Valley last Friday night, almost killing a family of three with his Benz in the process. But whatever it was, that was some good shit.

Fox11 originally quoted Aslanyan as blaming his reckless escape attempt on God:

A man taken into custody after a high-speed chase through southern California claimed to be an angel and said "God took over" his vehicle.

However, Aslanyan makes a contradicting statement in a news clip circling the Internet today (picked up by both Gawker and LAist).

"Why'd you lead cops on this chase?" asks a reporter, mic extended.

"Because I got swag," answers Aslanyan, eyeballs bugging freakishly from their sockets. "I wanted to make it look good."

And one more time, to make sure he got his point across: "I am Vardan Aslanyan and I got swag."

Debatable. But the finest moment in his handcuffed interview with FOX11 comes when Aslanyan is asked whether he's on drugs. "What is drugs?" he answers, reminding us of an innocent newborn ragdoll and almost (almost) making us forget he just flipped an SUV with a three-year-old inside. Pretty much the anti-swag, right there.

In case you missed it, here's footage of the Burbank-to-Hollywood police chase to end all police chases:

Update, 6:20 p.m.: Now this, dear viewers, is swag.

Below, we give you "What Is Love?: The Vardan Aslanyan Remix," courtesy of @antoes and @WeHoDaily. The lyric "Baby don't hurt me" never rang so true.

[@simone_electra / swilson@laweekly.com / @LAWeeklyNews]

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