NBA meathead Kris Humphries is trying to annul his unfortunate 72-day marriage with Calabassas princess Kim Kardashian, alleging her opulent reality-show vows were a big fraud.
That's because L.A. comedian and beloved Vice blogger Rob Delaney, he of the unforgettable Twitter pic, already tried to sue her for the same thing.
Three different lawyers told us a third party like Delaney had no hope in court. From our original, erm, investigation:
[Family attorney Mary Catherine Bohen] explains that accusations of fraud can only be made by one married party of the other. A third party like Delaney would have absolutely no standing to intervene in their relationship.
Delaney's request, on behalf of all Americans who had been dragged forcibly through their elaborate love affair, was that Kardashian and Humprhies (Karphries? Ew) either stick it out like the rest of the miserably married world, or hand over the $18 million that Kardashian was alleged to have made off the black-and-white affair.
"That's just crazy talk," said Bohen.
Another L.A. attorney agreed: "You have to have damages. What, he deserves something because he was emotionally harmed? Because he cried at the wedding when he should have been laughing?"
However, seeing as Humphries is, indeed, one of the married parties -- and not some crazy Tweety couch potato with his TV stuck in Ryan Seacrestville -- the allegations may have hope yet! If Delaney ever had any intention of filing that impossible lawsuit in L.A. Superior Court on a comedian's salary, he can rest easy now -- celebrity lawyers will take it from here.
The basketballer has Kardashian's ex-publicist, Jonathan Jaxson, on his side: Jaxson told the tabloids earlier this month that "She knew weeks before getting married she didn't want to do it" and "They had a lot of contracts, they had endorsements. To say they weren't paid is a lot of foolish garbage."
But Humphries' determination to wipe the slate clean, instead of just agreeing to a good old-fashioned divorce, could still be an uphill battle. (And a damn expensive one; he is dealing with Team K here. Scary unstoppable.)
"It's very difficult to assess anyone's motive in getting married," Bohen, the family attorney, told the Weekly. For a husband to accuse his wife of marriage fraud, he has to prove she violated something they agreed upon beforehand, Bohen explained.
Unless there are documents showing Kardashian never loved him, and only used him for the reality-TV payoff -- or that she all of a sudden, mid-marriage, decided she'd never again have sex with him, or something -- he'll have a hard time proving fraud.
Either way, we think Delaney deserves some sort of acknowledgement here. Maybe even a cut of whatever Kardashian Kash rains down from this case. (And it could be a crapload.) Dude called it first, yo! Props where they're due.
We've contacted Delaney for comment. He's usually got a lot of that.Update: Delaney sounds positively tickled to have been so right about the (alleged) Kardashian scheme.
"This only gives steam to my lawsuit," he says.
If you'll recall, though, Delaney's suit -- which he claims has turned class-action -- was dreamt up more in the spirit of preserving the marriage than annulling it. (And forcing the richest family in reality TV to cough up $18 million, of course. But mostly the spirit-of-marriage thing.)
"He's an adult; he's a big boy," says Delaney of Humphries. "I understand he's trying to get off this sinking ship, but he bought a ticket for this cruise, and the destination has not been reached." He says he's "proud" that Humphries came forward, but that "it takes two to tango."
To recap: If Humphries proves Kardashian committed fraud, it'll give Delaney a shortcut to championing his own case, but he still feels America's former lovebirds shouldn't get off this easy.
"I don't support exiting the marriage," he says. "[Kris] listed fraud as the reason -- but many a marriage has overcome the hurdle of fraud. Between my wife and I, light fraud has occurred more than once."
Why are we not surprised.