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Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Court Sentence: 1 Month in Jail, 2 Months at Morgue (and Please, Stop Tweeting)

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Wed, Nov 2, 2011 at 10:45 AM

click to enlarge Happy lawyer, confused Lohan. - ABC7 SCREENSHOT
  • ABC7 screenshot
  • Happy lawyer, confused Lohan.
And Lindsay Lohan's love affair with the L.A. County morgue rages on.

Judge Stephanie Saunter waxed somewhat soft at the young blonde train wreck's much-anticipated sentencing today, demanding she serve about two more months of community service at the most morbid department in the county. (Also 30 days in jail, beginning in November, and 270 more if probation is violated again. But we all know how that will go, what with prison overcrowding and those pouty Botox lips working for our dear defendant. Update: The sheriff's department tells TMZ that Lohan will only spend only 6 days in jail. Update: Sheriff's officials now tell TMZ that she'll only be processed, never jailed -- "out without even having to change her clothes." Sweet deal.)

One stipulation, however: Morgue officials "seem to have an issue with your Tweeting," said the judge. "I can't order you to stop Tweeting"...

... but please, "don't Tweet about them." (Noooo! Anything but the Twitter!)

Lohan will have to put in about two weeks of work at the L.A. County Coroner's Office per month, between December and March, if she wants to come out of this mess alive.

click to enlarge Morgue fashion. - HUFFINGTON POST VIA TMZ
  • Huffington Post via TMZ
  • Morgue fashion.
We will give her this: She looked a hell of a lot less train-wreckish today than at her last court appearance, when she showed up with Halloween cheeks that were either the fruits of a rigorous trip to the dentist or a coked-out makeup sesh. (In which the mirror, perhaps, was busy serving other purposes.)

click to enlarge Nightmares of court appearances past.
  • Nightmares of court appearances past.
"The sentence I'm going to impose is known in our circle as putting the keys to the jail in the defendant's hands," said Saunter.

Uh-oh. Aren't keys in less-than-able hands kind of what got LiLo into this mess in the first place?

Embarrassingly, although the Women's Center said they're willing to take Lohan back for the rest of her community service, the judge said she's not about to subject them to Lohan's flighty flakiness all over again. And the homeless Women's Center refused to take her at all, saying she sets a "bad example" for she-bums in recovery. Ouch.

So the morgue it is. As a workplace, not a deathbed, as Dr. Drew would have it.

Her probation officer is also jumping ship: A certain Ms. Parker "doesn't want you anymore," said the judge. So the "no-nonsense" Ms. Mansfield will be assuming those arduous duties.

Just another day in the life of the most volatile neighbor in Venice. (And that's saying something.)

[@simone_electra/swilson@laweekly.com]

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