Let's begin with National Nude Day, which, according to New York (who we slightly suspect of making things like this up so as to slip the word "nude" into more headlines, but we'll bite), "is a day in which to point fingers at people who are not wearing clothes in public settings."
Here's how to ring it in the L.A. way (NSFW photo after the jump):the 405 streaker and cause one final 'jam on L.A.'s fattest freeway before Metro empties it for good tomorrow night. Well, maybe try not to steal ladies' purses and flail around yelling psycho things like the last guy (pictured, left) -- try to think of yourself as more of a nude activist type, streaking for your right to streak.
Seriously, though! This city doesn't see nearly enough naked people. They're all hiding out in Hef's grimy-ass grotto or the 24-hour party at Sheen's house, dammit. So: National Nude Day. Don't miss it. Even intellectual types like the Utne Reader aren't above Tumbling it. And we expect pics! (@laweekly.)
Bastille Day, being vastly less important, can easily be combined with Mac 'N' Cheese Day, because we wouldn't be caught dead eating at one of the bougie French restaurants the Huffington Post is recommending . Instead of celebrating France, take this time to relish life in your own artery-clogging Land of the Free, as opposed to "life" in some stupid nostalgia pit of snails and skinny chicks. Down with the French! All hail King Kraft! (Or, get down-home fancy with lobster bacon mac 'n' cheese. Really.)
Lastly: Spongebob, best Nickelodeon character in history, celebrates his 25th birthday today. Which is really creepy. Aren't sponges supposed to stay, like, sponge-age forever?
Actually, come to think of it, this could explain Spongebob's switch, some years back, from that awesome squeeze-toy voice to some older perv voice. It's almost like he went through puberty. (Explanation, via random Internet forum: "Tom Kenny's voice got sore a lot. It may have changed his voice. And yes Time and practice may have changed his voice too.")
Not sure what's going on with this video, but it's of Spongebob and it involves a birthday, so watch it:
Happy Day, everybody!