The evil dictator-turned-prison bait is currently in a bit of a legal bind, thanks to the approximately $80 billion he hoarded while the rest of Egypt went dirt-poor -- so, understandably, he needs somewhere to stash all that cash before it's frozen for good.
And, by some inexplicable stroke of luck, he wants us to be the ones to help him out, in exchange for "huge sums of money"! Check it out:
HelloHaving gone through a methodical search, I have decided to contact you hoping that you will find this proposal interesting. Based on the present political crisis in Egypt, the conglomerate of His Excellency, Hosni Mubarak [Ed Note: So we're still calling him that?] is ready to partner with you to help secure the resources of the president since the dissolution of the presidency's office.
The choice of contacting you is aroused [Ed Note: Hot] from the geographical nature of your country of abode [Ed Note: Like, as far away from your slimy ass as possible?], particularly due to the sensitivity of the transaction and the confidentiality herein, we are ready to partner with you and your organisation [Ed Note: You obviously don't know much about the LA Weekly] in providing the necessary assistance required to a successful end as you will be greatly rewarded.
We also want to let you know of our intention to expediently commit huge sums of money [Ed Note: You mean, the money that "His Excellency" viciously seized from the ailing Egyptian people? OK, sweet] towards your course on the agreement that you will be of significant assistance to us without malevolence or malice [Ed Note: No worries... two decades of barbaric oppression, forgiven/forgotten] and as soon as we receive your positive response we shall proceed with the arrangement and provide you our terms and conditions. This business deal involves huge cash movement and liquidation of foreign and local investments and your immediate response and utmost confidentiality is greatly appreciated.
Thank you, M.Hammad, for your confidence in us an ideal partner in fraud (slash gullible-ass granny with flown conscience). And you're welcome, L.A., for sharing.