Before you go calling us geriatric sickos, know that it was Larry who brought his pants up in the first place. He reminisced about the days when there used to be "a lot of room beneath the crotch," and gave us a little twirl to model how nicely the new ones fit.
Who do we have to thank for the King's sultry makeover?
Ryan Seacrest, of course! E! Entertainment's everywhere-at-once talkaholic may be most famous for turning gobs of gangly Midwest girls into full-blown American Idols, but as of last night, he has an even more glamorous claim to fame: Seacrest fashioned Los Angeles' best-loved newscaster from a cheap pile of roomy crotch to an Esquire-worthy man of taste.
The reveal went something like this.
Larry: He was at my house for dinner one night, and he says to me, how can you wear those jeans? I said, what is wrong with my jeans? 'They're like $29 jeans.'
Conan: What kind of jeans?
Larry: You have a lot of room beneath the crotch. They're, like, over always. [Ed note: Word.] So he said, 'I don't like those. You have to wear sharp jeans.' Since then -- this is like seven years now -- he has been my jeans supplier. He sends me jeans.
Conan: Ryan Seacrest sends you jeans?
Larry: Correct. They even put the button holes on for suspenders, right? And look at these, hey [models].
Conan: That's Ryan Seacrest. Those are Ryan Seacrest jeans.
Larry: No, he buys them, I guess. They're not from his body. [Pause for laughter.] Maybe they are.
Conan: Maybe he takes them off at night, puts them in a FedEx envelope and you got them. Those are very Seacresty jeans, I'm telling you -- wow, OK.
At which point we challenge you all to use "Seacresty" at least once in conversation today. (No fair bringing up toothpaste.)
We'll leave on one more bit of wisdom from Conan's guest, who we very much miss in his own slot on CNN but are excited to hear will be embarking shortly on a comedy tour with Mrs. King:
Reporting on the Kardashians, he told the world last night, is "like watching your mother-in-law go over the cliff in your new Bentley."
LOL. Or like watching Larry try to sing "Poker Face":
Wait. Since when was Seacresty a good thing?