He was just cruisin' along, makin' his way up into admirable altitudes, watchin' the sun set and thinkin' about all the naughty things he wanted to do to the mother of his myriad chicklets upon arriving home that evening when BLAM! The king of all motherfuckin' pigeons slams head-on into the high-flying daredevil at 120 MPH air-speed, leaving no more than a little bird-shaped hole in its massive glass visor and a single gray feather floating to Earth.
"He's fine, he just had minor injuries," El Monte Police Lieutenant Robert Roach said to City News Service this morning...
... though it was soon revealed that Roach had been referring not to the innocent little fluffer mauled by the 'copter, but to the human who had been controlling its brain. Unlike the human, the Baldwin Park pigeon is very much not fine.
"The bird did penetrate the windshield. We've had hits before but I don't recall a bird coming through like that before," he said.
The driver of the Robinson model R-44, "chief pilot" at the El Monte Police Department, was heading east over the 605 freeway with another officer when he came to realize there was a hole in his windshield and a dead pigeon on his face. (Admirably, he was still able to land safely at Holland Middle School in Baldwin Park.)
Los Angeles County-USC Medical Center discharged the pilot later that night, but medical officials have no word on the other guy. We know what that means. At least, out of respect, officials did notify the Federal Aviation Administration.
R.I.P., man. You may have looked like every other pigeon we ever saw, but you had the heart and courage of a golden eagle.