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politics

Ten Laws California's Legislature Shoulda Passed

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Mon, Oct 4, 2010 at 6:03 AM
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Last week Gov. Arnold put his pen to work and gave us flurry of new laws. While we're not a big fan of California's increasing over-regulation, the boys and girls in Sacramento did some good this fall, including passing a law that will make smoking a joint a minor offense worthy only of a citation.

But we think the politicians in the statehouse missed an opportunity to pass other laws that would make our lives even kinder, including:

-State execution for anyone who makes a right turn from the frigging LEFT LANE!

-Make the city of L.A. pay a $1,000 fine for neglecting each pothole that flattens a tire.

-Any politician who accepts free tickets to any one Lakers game (we're looking at you, Antonio) must also attend one Clippers game (all the way to the bitter end).

-All candidates for state office must hire an undocumented housekeeper. That way they all start on a level playing field and it ceases to be an issue.

-Multimillionaires and billionaires who which to finance their own campaigns must also ensure that their opponents' campaigns are funded at the same level.

-Sleazy, bandit tow-truck drivers who haul away properly parked cars for the storage fees shall have their own personal cars impounded for one month and shall pay no less than $1,000 in storage fees in order to get them back.

-Hipsters with new beards will have their faces Brazil-waxed in a public setting.

-Anyone with no-lens or clear-lens, candy colored Ray-Ban-Wayfarer-like glasses will be required to have their moms chaperon them on their next trip to "the club."

-Any gas station that advertises a nice price then hits you with the old "cash-only discount" after you've already put your debit card in the slot will have its fuel reservoirs filled with concrete.

-City officials who get paid 50 percent or more above the national average for the job they do shall be paid in pesos.

Now get to work, state legislators.

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