Mary CarreonIt's easy to drop serious cash on booze at shows — especially if you're buying several rounds. What's even more frustrating is that many venues don't have the best selection, either.
But there are multiple products that will help you get around this issue. While we would never condone violating venue policies to avoid paying $12 for a beer, we present here, for your amusement and edification, 10 of the best items for sneaking booze into a concert.
]
Credit: Mary Carreon
The Wine Rack
Cost: $29.95
We wore this brilliant piece of lingerie to an Atoms for Peace show last October and experienced nothing short of drunken bliss. The Wine Rack allows you to take up to 25 ounces of your favorite booze in your bra. Oh, and it increases your chest size by two cups. The downfall to this multipurpose bra is that it’s a sports bra — and every woman knows you can’t wear a sports bra with all shirts. With the Wine Rack especially, a full coverage shirt is required. Otherwise, security will know something's up with your ta-tas.
Credit: Courtesy of The Beerbelly
The Beerbelly
Cost: $29.95
Unlike the Wine Rack, the Beerbelly is unisex. But when women wear the 80-ounce sack of booze, they look pregnant instead of bloated. What makes this odd drinking contraption so stealth is that the belly actually feels like skin to the touch, making it easier for security to overlook. But if you get patted down, the straps will give you away, so use the belly wisely. Resembling a colostomy bag, the bag of booze won’t look natural under tight fitted clothes. So if rocking the pregnant or bloated belly look is your style, loose shirts are key.
Credit: Courtesy of GoPong
The Sunscreen Flask
Cost: $9.99
Hiding alcohol in your sunscreen is best when going to an outdoor event, like a music festival. Sunscreen is one of the most common items brought into outdoor concerts — especially ones that last all day — so it’s easy for sunscreen to go unnoticed. But, security guards are getting smarter: Security at FYF Fest last August was adamant about checking sunscreens.
Credit: Courtesy of Papa Bert, Inc.
Binocular Flask
Cost: $24.99
The advantage of the “Barnoculars” Binocular Flask is that you’re not limited to one type of booze. These ultimate beer goggles allow you to bring 16 ounces of alcohol in each lens. Whether the two-in-one flask actually helps or distorts your vision (and judgment), a good time will be had either way.
Credit: Courtesy of Binocktails
The Camera Flask
Cost: $14.99
This high-tech party accomplice is about as stealth as it gets. The camera flask looks extremely legit, making it a fantastic disguise.
Up next: More clever booze disguises, including lipstick, bracelets and feminine hygiene products.
[
Credit: Courtesy of Shop Jeen
Tampon Flasks
Cost: $14.00
The most important thing to keep in mind when using these tube-shaped flasks is the fact that men cringe at the thought of such feminine products. In other words, it’s a wise move to let a male security guard check your bag if possible. What better way to freak out the security dude than showing him the army of tampons in your purse?
Credit: Courtesy of Xtreme Barware
The iPhone Flask
Cost: $8.95
OK, so it doesn’t look exactly like an iPhone. But, given the right circumstances, it’s possible this phone flask could work, even if a fake smart phone is intrinsically more obvious than, say, a fake tampon. The twist-off top is located at the top of the phone underneath a plastic clasp, which is what makes the iFlask a clear impostor.
Credit: Courtesy of Treasure Gurus
The Lipstick Flask
Cost: $14.99
Small enough to slip into the smallest of purses, the Lipstick Flask is another low-profile item that would likely be overlooked by security. The fun-sized flask holds four ounces of booze, making it perfect for on-the-go drinking. Keep in mind, however, that one item security has been known to look out for is lip balm, so this flask may raise a red flag.
Credit: Courtesy of www.cynthiarowley.com
Flask Bangles by Cynthia Rowley
Cost: $225.00 – $365.00
The best part about these designer “flask bangles” is that you have a choice between purchasing one made of either actual silver or 24-karat plated gold. The downside to these high-end flasks is that they cost what some people make in one paycheck. Putting the price tag aside, however, the bracelets are pretty inconspicuous. Made by designer Cynthia Rowley, the chunky bracelet flasks easily pass for a trendy women's fashion accessory.
Credit: Courtesy of HomeWetBar.com
The Pimp Cane Flask
Cost: $69.95
Although the official name of this flask is the “Brandy Smuggler Walking Cane Flask,” we felt the “Pimp Cane Flask” was a more accurate description. Holding up to 10 ounces of booze, the cane can support up to 250 pounds, making it perfect for those nights you can’t walk straight. And in terms of getting through security, when was the last time your pimp cane was checked? We’d imagine never.
Like us on Facebook at LAWeeklyMusic
@laweeklymusic
West Coast Sound's Greatest Hits!
The 20 Worst Hipster Bands
The 20 Worst Bands of All Time
The 10 Biggest Douchebags in Country Music
Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.