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The BJ Chronicles: Sucking, Swallowing & Sizing it Up

Sam Phillips

Sam Phillips

Ladies, size matters. Let's not kid ourselves. We all know this to be true. And it doesn't just apply to diamonds, cars and houses. It also applies to the male genitalia.

My overall advice for guys big or small is finding the vagina that fits you. If you are feeling less than adequate it's because you've been banging a chick with a huge canal, bottom line. The smaller and tighter the pussy, the bigger you're going to feel inside it.

As I've already expressed, I love sucking cock and have become quite the master. In fact, a happy recipient sang my praises just this week. He said I was hands down, "The Queen of Oral." Good news for you!

Chicks: The perfect blowjob ain't easy, and for some of you it'll always feel like a chore. (Different strokes for different chicks, right?) But here are some tips for getting as close to damn near perfect:

Sizing it Up: The way you orally manipulate a tinier, thin sized man-member is completely different then how you'd slurp on something big and thick.

  • When there's a huge mass in your mouth you can use your cheeks and lips for close-range suction on the shaft, and you can also cool it down with a draw of air. Plus, the back of your throat can be used to undulate around the tip with slight pressure. Picture a snake digesting a mouse. That's you.

  • For the petite prick, think of using your tongue to tie a cherry stem in a knot. It's easier to tease and tickle it, pull and perform oral tricks on it when you have the room to. It's also effortless to deep throat something more diminutive. If you're an expert you can also get the balls in your mouth at the same time and your tongue close to the taint area. (Guys, before we do this, please wash first. We do not like smelling your funk while fucking around with your junk.)
  • Lubing it Up: Regardless of a man's size, make sure your mouth and lips are lubricated.

  • I tend to salivate like a St. Bernard when I get excited, but if you're not like me, get rid of your dry-mouth first and drink something. Not cool when a dick sticks to the inside of your cheek like fly paper.
  • I'm also a big fan of Palmers Cocoa Butter Stick for your lips - it's unscented and not flavored or sticky, so I slather it on several times during the festivities to facilitate fluidity and to help keep my oral opening soft and smooth.
  • Breathing it In: It's all about the breathing and not gagging (or worse, vomiting, which I have only done once drunk on red wine when I was getting my face fucked).

    SIDENOTE: If you can handle this practice (i.e. face fucking) without puking, it's awesome.

    There are several techniques you can use to help you respire while simultaneously sucking a guy off.

  • I hold my breath with the bigger boys. I will gulp some air, contain it for as long as I can and for every three strokes down my throat, I hold back the penis on the fourth for a second with it clear of my passageway. I quickly exhale and inhale air again, and then re-hold it, repeat.
  • I simply breathe around the smaller fries. Think of a doctor sticking a tongue depressor down the back of your throat. You can still take in air. He leaves a pathway for it to pass over it, and same with me; I keep the corridor clear between the roof of my mouth and his rod to get a lungful when I need it.
  • The BJ Chronicles: Sucking, Swallowing & Sizing it Up

    Swallowing it Up: I suck cock whenever possible. But swallowing semen is reserved for someone I'm dating or who has recently consumed a fruit basket.

  • You know the saying, "You are what you eat?" That is so true; semen has a bitter and salty taste to it normally, especially if you drink alcohol and caffeine, eat red meat and dairy products, onions, garlic or a lot of spices. GUYS: Stay away from asparagus, cabbage, cauliflower or broccoli the day of your big date and load up on pineapple, papaya, apples, melons, mangoes and grapes to make your sperm taste sweeter.
  • If your throat is just too sensitive to take it in deep, don't forget to use your hands. If the guy is big enough, try "tossing the bat" by stacking each hand one on top of the other and use both. You can also stroke and caress the shaft with one hand while you entertain and fondle the balls with the other, all while orally working the knob of course.
  • There's more, way more, to tell you about pleasuring the pole. And that's why there will be a third installment of The Single Life's BJ Chronicles.

    Missed the first? CLICK HERE!

    Read Barbie Davenporte's Blowjob Basics for some more starter tips...and some no-no's to avoid.

    When I'm done, a shake isn't the only thing your hands will be known for. See you next week!

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