"No" Is OK

What is the one thing that attracts a woman to a man? It's not looks, money or cars – but they all help. In my experience, as a dating coach and in the Pick Up Artist (PUA) world, I have found that confidence is the No. 1 thing that wins women over. I've known men who have been flat broke and carless and they still manage to get women, and I have also known highly paid engineers who couldn't land a date if their lives depended on it. 

However confidence is not something you can go out and buy. (Well, not unless you take my course!) It is something you have to acquire for yourself. I tell my clients that if you do not believe that you are funny, attractive and charming, how are you going to get someone else to believe that?

Picking up a woman is a lot like sales, except the product you are selling is yourself. Any great salesman will tell you that you have to believe in the product you are selling. 


When I am working with clients and teaching my seminars, I often have to go back to square one and start building up the client's confidence. I have to teach him how to talk to women confidently, how to be engaging and how to deal with rejection. A shy man's biggest fear is rejection, but that is closely tied to lack of self confidence. 

A man who has been in the dating game for a long time has faced his share of “No's” and doesn't fear rejection. That is partly due to the fact that he is confident in his game and knows that if he knocks on enough doors, one will eventually open. The shy man is terrified of rejection because he thinks if one girl says no, all women will say no. Building self confidence helps clients understand that hearing “No” is not the end of the world.

I understand the particular challenges faced by first- and second-generation Asian men. American culture, especially dating culture, is completely different from our culture which emphasizes deference and politeness. American women are attracted to men who are bold and brash, and these are not traits which are essentially encouraged in Asian culture. Because of the generational gap between Asian fathers and their American-born sons, Asian men often miss out on the dating tips most American men get from their dads. This was one of the reasons why I created the Asian Playboy image. I wanted to shatter the image of the nerdy, asexual Asian man. 


I help my clients build social confidence through tried and tested strategies and their own personal attributes that work for them. Before they come to me, many of my clients are on the verge of giving up on women, but when I am finished with them, they are able to overcome their anxieties and use their new found skills and confidence to meet the women of their dreams.

And if they hear the word “No,” I tell them to dust themselves off and try, try again. 

Image: Salvatore Vuono.

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