Nina Hartley's Guide to Threesomes Part 3: That Just Happened

The climax of our three-part guide to three-way sex includes essential information on not having things get super-weird while/after you bone whatever duo you've slipped into bed with.

And as an precautionary/inspirational bonus, our generous guide Nina Hartley shares a few personal anecdotes from her decades worth of three-way experiences. (The messy and the awesome).

Avoid awkward phone calls: "Through scrupulous adherence to communication and honesty. Not having awkwardness afterwards depends on making sure that the partner selection was done well, that pre-play negotiations were done well and honestly, by being clear on what is desired, (just fun vs. relationship), by not playing drunk or high (a drink or a toke is fine, but one really can't be wasted or it will be a disaster. Trust me.) By handling one's jealousy issues before one attempts threesome sex.

Set things up correctly beforehand to avoid feeling like this after.
Set things up correctly beforehand to avoid feeling like this after.

Nina's first time (wasn't pretty): "My first threesome was a complete disaster. Horrible. Crazy. And it had been my idea in the first place. I was 20 and had had threesome desires since I was a young teenager. It was my first boyfriend (age 41) and my first woman partner (my age).

I learned a LOT of lessons that one time: don't be high (we all were. It was the 1970s), don't do it unless the base relationship is strong and healthy (ours wasn't), don't do it without good negotiations and limit-setting (oops), and pay attention to the emotional state of the other people. I hadn't known I was jealous until I saw him touch her in a way that he hadn't touched me in months. We had one more threesome before we broke up and it was much better.

All of my threesomes now are good to great.

Care to share?: "I've had many, many great threesomes but the most recent was in early February. I call her Young Miss. She's 23 and I've known her since she was 18. She's a sexual adventuress, and is in with the Poly community, so I knew she was happy to be single and having fun with friends. We have good, sexual friends in common so I knew she was on our page, sexual-philosophy wise. We had an amazing time and look forward to her next visit.

She arrived on time and in the mood to have fun. We had the discussion about safer sex, hard limits, (we're kinky players), fantasies and desires that we could help her live out, things she liked doing, things she was up for trying, etc. Once that was out of the way we slipped into Play Mode and rocked the house for two hours before stopping for dinner. After dinner, the two of them went back to the playspace, (we have a dungeon studio in house), for a second, shorter round.

She spent the night and left the next day for an appointment. We had a great time and she's indicated that there will, in fact, be a repeat visit. We never assume that we'll have anyone back a second time, which is why it's important that we never feel bad if we "only" get to do each other.

Hartley has won eight AVN awards, played William H. Macy's unfaithful wife in Boogie Nights, and portrayed Hillary Rodham Clinton in the porno spoof Who's Nailin' Paylin
Hartley has won eight AVN awards, played William H. Macy's unfaithful wife in Boogie Nights, and portrayed Hillary Rodham Clinton in the porno spoof Who's Nailin' Paylin

Sharing is caring: "By being a happy couple that likes to share our good fortune and highly developed skills, we have many repeat guests who are much younger than we are. We don't try to keep them, only to show them that it's possible to be a sexually free young woman without the drama.

There's more where that came from: "In my book, Nina Hartley's Guide to Total Sex, I devote three chapters to multi-partner sex. One chapter specifically addresses two men with one woman, and the other deals with how best to handle a party between two women and one man. If you want more insight, (editors note: we do), I suggest this book."

Follow @AfterDarkLA on Twitter.


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