Nina Hartley's Guide to Threesomes Part 2: Holy Shit This Is Really Happening. Now What Do I Do?

If part one of our handy three way guide got you all revved up on polyamory, then this second installment will take you all the way there. ("There" being in the sack with multiple companions who aren't also your cats).

Here, sex expert Nina Hartley shares her sage advice on what to do after you've found two people willing to sleep with you at the same time.

B/G/B vs. G/B/G:"They're different enough that one can't really compare," Hartley says. "As a bisexual I prefer to be with a man and a woman, so I can have one of each, as well as assist them in having full-on sexual intercourse. What's 'better' really depends on what one prefers, partner-wise."

Clarify your desires: "Satisfaction really depends on the nature of the base relationship, and the abilities of the participants to communicate their fears, desires, fantasies, limits and needs.

"With a B/G/B, there needs to be discussion about man-on-man activity. If one guy is straight and the other is a closeted bisexual, then there will be problems and it won't end well.

If your male partner wants to explore his bisexuality, then make sure any partner you choose is on board for that very thing. Don't assume either heterosexuality or bisexuality as a given, lest you be disappointed.

The cherry on top of the the cherry on top: "If it's a male/female couple looking for an extra guy, then the couple needs to be in a good place, already. Threesomes should be the whipped cream and a cherry on the top of a sundae, and not the meat and potatoes of a relationship."

Guys, it doesn't have to be this way.
Guys, it doesn't have to be this way.

Two guys, a girl and a private place: "The male partner can be either a stranger or, if they're all close enough friends, he can be a friend of either the man or the woman. Assuming heterosexuality, the guys can't compete for her, or cock block the other dude.

"A B/G/B threesome is all about the woman. If the guys are friends, they can express their feelings for each other through her. It's a great place to be, believe me!

"If it's a male/female couple looking for an extra woman, again they can look to their friendship circle to see if they know any women who are sexually free or horny enough to consider such a thing.

Beware the crazy, drunk chick: "If it's two male friends who like to tag-team women then they need to be selective in choosing the female partner: no one drunk, or emotionally unstable need apply. This is about fun, not social work.

Happy hour:"If it's about two women friends looking for some man meat to share, it's pretty easy: show up at a bar, showered, shaved and looking good. Scope the room, hone in on a likely candidate, talk him up to see if he's game and take him home. Do this early in the evening, before anyone is drunk.

She's open to ideas.
She's open to ideas.

And when you get him home: "Unlike most B/G/B threesomes, there is often the desire for lesbian activity between the women, and the presence of a bio-man makes it a bit easier for the women to get busy. Dress to feel sexy and then avoid any comparison between you and the other woman. If the women are heterosexual, it's still fun and easy to have a G/B/G threesome simply by keeping the guy between them. Even if he's dreaming of watching two women go at it, he won't be sorry if it ends up being all about him.

The moves:"The sex we have for fun is not the sex we see on video, so comfort and do-ablity are the words to play by. The usual: she sucks one while being fucked by the other guy. That can be done in many positions, but the most common is doggy.

If the women are both straight, one can sit on his penis and the other can sit on his face. Three people are not quite enough to make a comfortable daisy chain, though it can be done if the participants are game.

When in doubt, lay down and masturbate: "Don't forget that not everyone has to be fully engaged at all times. It's fun to help the other two get busy, as well as to kick back and watch while one wanks."

Coming tomorrow: Part three: Avoiding Post-Threeway Awkwardness

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