My First Boner: Men Share Sexy Memories of First-time Erections

"Wow, what's that?" (probably Optimus Prime)
"Wow, what's that?" (probably Optimus Prime)

Orgasms, getting head, or laid -- there's a myriad interesting/funny stories surrounding the topic of first-time sex and though it's often terrifying, embarrassing or excruciating at the time, there's nothing more entertaining than recounting the memories later in life.

So let's take it back to the very beginning...with the boys. Way back before they knew what sex really was or how it felt.

The following is a little log of five men recalling their first woodies -- the primal first step to feeling and comprehending their sexual desires.

Many interviewed couldn't remember their first official boners, but their first memorable one, memorable enough to realize what it meant to feel like a sexual being, wasn't as hard for them to recollect. They all seemed to comprehend what horny felt like while in their G.I. Joe playing days.

This boy's first hard-on was so unforgettable, it shaped his current liking for a certain body part.

Type of boy: The Loudmouth

"I didn't know I was excited the first time I got excited. Man, I must've been about five or six, and I was out with my family. I can't remember where -- at the mall or downtown -- someplace with bars, and a drunk, very top-heavy woman stumbled out of a bar and spotted me. 'Oh, what a cute little boy!' she slurred, bending over to give me an impromptu hug.

If you can imagine the height difference...that meant she accidentally pressed my face right in between her huge breasts. I remember feeling tingly, flustered and red-faced. Years later, I would look back and reflect that not only was that my first woody, but it was also the moment that an inveterate breast man was born."

This next gentleman had many boners before he encountered his first gay-inspired one, which he remembers clearly -- understandable, because he currently prefers the sexual company of men.

Type of boy: Rambunctious Child

"I was in seventh grade and my friend was spending the night at my house to watch scary movies and eat pizza. We were staying up all night watching horror films. While watching 'Friday the 13th,' we got into an argument about Jason and the killer and it broke out into a play fight (wrestling), and then turned into a tickle fight.

During this body to body contact, I got an erection and I poked him with it. It got really awkward, but then we went back to play fighting. I was confused, but I knew I was [turned on]."

Imagine popping one while wearing unforgiving gym shorts. This dude's was way obvious and in public, specifically public school. It takes talent to hide that with technique?

Type of boy: Video Game Nerd

"I was in fifth grade, 10 years old. This was in the morning, like third period...maybe around 10:30ish. I was in gym class and we were doing stretches, and [my classmate] Kim was wearing her P.E. uniform and she wore the [gym] shorts really short. We were doing the leg stretches where you bend over and reach down to your legs -- and her butt looked really good -- and all the sudden...it just happened. I just sat down and kind of covered it [till it went down]. That's the first real memory that I have of it."

For this next troublemaking boy, luckily, when the hard-on happened he was alone in his room. And his experience may not be typical, but for some leaving some for the imagination is just what it takes.

Type of boy: Attention Seeking Troublemaker

"It was an Olivia Newton John album cover, it was a two record set. In fact, this record opened up and had a full body shot. [It was] Olivia Newton's Greatest Hits Vol. 2. I just remember getting aroused and the pieces started coming together. I'm technically from a combination of Kansas and Texas. It's very bible belt and you don't get exposed to much, to help you figure out things. It was a couple years after, [when] I knew what to do with that [boner] but I wasn't doing anything when I was 11."

This last account is damn right hott! Undeniably. You'll understand why...

Type of boy: Shy Egghead

"I was in bed with [my friend] Joey, who was about five years older than me and we were sharing the space because of the shortage of beds. His mom came in after having been out and having some drinks, and she went into her bedroom, which was almost directly across from where I was lying in bed, with the door pretty wide open, undressing for bed.

She was shapely, had dark hair...nice breasts. She was wearing a black one-piece dress, almost knee length. She had a strand of pearls and some earrings....she took her jewelry off, then reached behind her...unzipped the dress, and let it slip off. She had a matching black bra and panty set, AND she was wearing a garter belt with stockings. She ended up taking off her bra. That was my first clear shot of an adult breast and nipple.

"I think [Joey] could tell, because, using the colloquial term, I was pitching a tent under the sheets and had a sizable erection. He said, 'Hey, that's pretty hot huh?' I rolled over and kind of pretended that I was asleep. In the meantime, I still wanted to look at her, so I was kind of turning and trying to keep her in my field of vision.

It has affected me ever since. Women with garter belts and stockings has been a favorite of mine, since that time. I know I masturbated to her a day or two later."

I asked this former shy egghead if he still got off to her, and his response:

"I have not [masturbated to her] in a long time, but I'm thinking about it [now]."

So, you see, first-time experiences are not only memorable but can affect you for a lifetime. Aw.

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