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It's Expensive to Have a Vagina...and It Might Get Pricier

I'm worried, too...

I'm worried, too...

There's a lot going on in the world right now. Families evacuating Cairo, "biblical" flooding in Australia's Queensland, political upheaval in Tunisia, a now 9 percent U.S. unemployment rate with a corresponding astronomical deficit. It's a lot to absorb.

Most of you are aware of the number of culturally progressive, education and health services that are at risk of disintegration as a result of recent right-wing budget cut proposals. The U.S. owes a lot of money. Something like $1.4 trillion. We've gotta cut corners.

The Huffington Post provides a nice breakdown of the cuts and the amounts of cash-ola each severed program would save.

And while an assload of cash would be saved by making these drastic cuts, the cost of NOT having them might weigh on us a bit more than our giant I.O.U.

Corporation for Public Broadcasting: This means something like 8 percent of NPR's funding will go ka-put, making it nearly impossible to, among other things, pay the station's annual music licensing fee. This license allows DJs such as stud muffin Jason Bentley to share the wonderful sounds coming from Los Angeles' influential music scene.

That not only negatively affects listeners, it also will be detrimental to the local and independent bands and labels that depend on stations like KCRW to spread their gospel to our eager ears.

And if this means I can't slowly masturbate to the sounds of Morning Becomes Eclectic, fuck to Garth Trinidad's grooves at night, and recover on the weekends with This American Life, I'll have an official reason to move to Vancouver.

The winter fundraiser just ended but there's never a bad time to donate and take advantage of some Fringe Benefits. Hint hint.

Energy Star Program: This program is jointed by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency and the U.S. Department of Energy, working together to research, develop and implement energy-saving techniques in product manufacturing and use.

Energy efficiency not only protects the environment but offers Americans alternatives to traditional use, saving billions of dollars annually in utility costs while protecting the environment from harmful emissions. According to Energy Star's website, the program's work in 2009 alone eliminated 30 million cars-worth of greenhouse gas emissions and saved Americans almost $17 billion.

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And here's the kicker, making it even more difficult to be a modern female with a contagious case of horn-ball. (Not to mention boyfriends, husbands and male one-night stands across the country who'll have to use a bit more discretion when deciding to "just pull out.")

Title X Family Planning: Title X gives men and women across the country access to contraceptive services, supplies and education at costs they're more apt to afford, especially for those still without health insurance.

This proposed cut stems from the argument that taxpayers' dollars should not fund abortions. However,Title X wasn't developed to make it an easy one-stop shop for unwanted pregnancies -- according to one of Planned Parenthood's many fact sheets, it's already illegal for Title X to provide funding for any abortion services.

It's Expensive to Have a Vagina...and It Might Get Pricier

It can cost up to $300 for an annual gyno exam -- a doc visit that every woman MUST have each year to maintain physical health. And with every STI test and colposcopy that often comes with each visit, the price tag skyrockets.

And come on people, you can NOT keep fucking around Los Angeles without at least knowing if that weird bump on your vag is herp-related.

Even with Planned Parenthood's current low-income assistance scale, a person without insurance who makes $24,000 a year before taxes still has to pay up to $200 for the full monty. (Testing, pap smear, exam etc.)

And without prescription coverage, the Pill alone can cost up to $50 per month. The NuvaRing, implant and other alternative birth control options (aside from condoms) are way up there on the price scale.

Who's got that kind of cash to swallow and/or shove up their vaginas? Not I, said the slut.

We all have sex. Some of us lucky hos have a lot of it. But the opportunity to decide when we want all that sex to result in a wee one is being compromised with a giant price tag.

But it's not impossible to have your voice heard, and you can share your side with the politicians making these decisions.

There's power in numbers, and if all else fails, maybe we can get Jon Stewart to help.