How (& How NOT) to Fondle His Balls -- the Art of Testicle Play
Play with these.
Ladies, if men's balls baffle you, you're not alone. I have no idea what to do with them, and I'm considered an expert in sex. They are so complex and mysterious to me, probably in the same way a female's breasts are to the men reading; no two sets respond, feel or look the same.
The male scrotum comes in so many different shapes and sizes -- even on the same guy! Each duo has its own sensitivity preference and pain threshold, so the trick for us chicks is to learn how to handle them without hurting them.
Approach is everything. Men (should) know not to "drill for oil" when they first go down on a girl. Similarly, when women initially grab ahold of the cojones, we shouldn't yank, pull or squeeze them hard.
After practicing on 500-plus pairs, I've learned to start out with barely a tickle and gauge my hand pressure and gestures by my man's response. If the twins start scrunching up, then I know I'm doing a good job. What confuses me, however, is how far do I go and when do I stop?
In my never-ending quest for sexual knowledge I decided to turn to my 5,000 friends on Facebook and asked the dudes specifically what they like having done to their sacks, and signs to look for when we females are doing it wrong. I loved the candid and sexy answers that guys posted on my wall, and just like balls and breasts, no two responses were alike.
Here's a sampling of what I received:
Scott: "Before I give an answer... are you grading these?"
Kuillian: "I like it complimented. Women need to point out just how extraordinary it is. It's like a designer purse... only smaller and hairier."
Alan: "You need to use your tongue on it and get it wet also. Then sort of make a cup out of your hand with the balls resting in your palm and gently, and I mean GENTLY 'milk' the sack while your mouth and other hand are on the cock. You'll know you're doing it right when you get an amazing 'protein facial!!!'"
Robert: "Caution: Contents extremely fragile!"
JP: "When they suck, don't suck."
Magnus: "Well... I can't believe I'm commenting on this! My sack personally doesn't need any special attention. I like the clean up effort Sammy often comments on with the towel, other than that it's really all about the penis. The fuzzy twins are just along for the ride."
Alan: "By the way, it is MUCH more pleasurable getting head with my cock and balls shaved. MUCH more enjoyable for my woman, too."
Eden: "Just hold it, keep it warm and snuggled while you work the shaft, but don't squeeze or rub, just fondle, please!"
Dick: "I agree with Alan!"
David: "I could tell you Sammy, but probably easier if I showed you... just sayin."
Engels: "A sign that a guy does not like you playing with his balls is a twitch; you will feel them tense up, we're afraid you might go too rough on our balls. Personally, it's not for me."
Jenard: "I think the sack area is neglected. It's one of the best erogenous zones! When the woman is on top facing the man, she ought to try reaching around behind her and fondle or lightly touch in a scratch-like motion the scrotum and to apply light massaging pressure on that area between the sack and anal region. That way, she can gage from the look on the guy's face how much he enjoys it! When giving fellatio, it should be a two-handed act! One on the rod, and the other fondling and cupping the sac, again applying light pressure between that sack/anal area. Men are visual! Make sure he sees what you are doing, and if you can maintain eye contact with your partner it will make it even hotter. Being one of those males who is visually stimulated, I have to admit that I am one of those kissers who doesn't close my eyes! I want to remember EVERYTHING and to have that picture of that lovely creature I'm kissing burned into my hard drive."
Eden: "See Sammy? It's fondling/cupping/keeping 'em warm."
Scot: "Maybe a little graphic for Facebook? But, here goes... after you both cum, filling her up while she's riding on top, afterwards letting all the juices of the moment drain down your cock flooding your sack. She climbs off, and with her soft tongue and warm breath devours the creamy mess while gently stroking your cock hard again."
Gil: "You want just straight dudes to answer? Or do you want my two cents?"
Cullan: "Well, of course playing with them gently while blowing is obvious... even stroking the shaft with one hand while licking them or sucking them gently in her mouth. Also, while doing it doggy style, I really like when the girl reaches back and plays with my balls."
Scottie: "Don't touch 'em, TY."
Billy: "Licking underneath it feels good. No pain please."
David: "One word. Knitting needles."
Eden: "When it hurts I say, 'Be gentle with the giblets.""
Jeff: "Nothing, and I usually don't say anything unless what she is doing hurts."
Scott: "I find 'No stupid!' works well. Operant conditioning a la B.F. Skinner."
Tony: "Well Sam, when I ever get to have sex, I'll let you know."
Gary: "All I'm gonna say to any potential article readers is BEWARE of the anus and its surrounding area."
Sammy (me): "Gil, I want your two cents! Everyone else, GREAT information!"
Gil: "Well. My sack. LUV IT. And after I have cum, I like having my taint serviced. Feels fagtastic. Like I have lips. Good gawd! I'VE SAID TOO MUCH."
So here's the take away, girls: Hold them but don't squeeze them, compliment them but ignore them, be gentle but scratch them, suck but don't suck them, fondle but don't rub them -- and in some cases don't even touch them. And then there's the anus, beware of it, but apply slight pressure to it.
Yeah... me, too. Time to practice!
To see more of Sam and The Single Life visit TheSingleLifeRadioShow.com
To hear more of Sam and The Single Life visit TheSingleLife.hottalkla.com
Follow Sam and The Single Life on Twitter.com/TheSingleLife
Friend Sam on Facebook.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss LA Weekly's biggest stories.