Flitterati

It's not uncommon for me to make up multisyllabic samples of awesome in the form of words to add to my (and eventually Mirriam-Webster's) vocabulary. As I was hunched over my Blackberry's Ubertwitter/TwitterDeck/TwatStank app, giggling and hiding from motorcycle cops in traffic, I came up with something new.

Following an extensive Google search, I found this new word already exists, but has a meaning completely irrelevant from my own. So now the word's mine.

Main Entry: 1flit·ter

Pronunciation: \ˈfli-tər\

Function: verb

Date of Origin: 20 minutes ago

Denoting repeated or recurrent action of flirting via Twitter — usually on a personal mobile device while driving on the 405/101/Sunset Blvd.

Flittering is the newest and safest way to pseudo-interact with other humans I'm moderately attractive to but don't feel like actually contacting.

DISCLAIMER: There are a few wildcards on my to-fuck list – and top 10 in my done-it directory – with whom I also enjoy flittering. You know who you are.

Hell, I don't even have to know you and I can still flitter all day long without worry that you'll call later and want to have dinner or show me your beer stein collection. (Though if you own a jet ski and/or have two extra tickets to Coachella, I might reconsider.)

Just please use caution with the TwatPics (typo, but it stays). Words speak louder than photos of your boner.

Gregory Szarkiewicz.