Cipherin' for Jesus

Illustration by Mike Lee

ACCORDINGTO EXPERTS IN THE FIELD of reading the same thing over and over again at least once a week until they start seeing things, triplication of the Arabic numeral 6 in any typeface at all is the official logo of the Antichrist, the Beast of Revelation, anticipation of whose impending arrival on Earth has financed some of the world's most influential religions and heavy-metal bands.

The following is an excerpt from one such expert's page, entitled simply "AAA 666 Antichrist Exposé on Vatican City State and the Papacy; The Image to the Beast, Daniel and the Revelation of Jesus Christ; How the USA Fulfills Rev 13:14", subtitled "666 and 1,260: Two Mathematical Proofs Identifying the Antichrist Nation of Revelation 13:1" -- a page that definitely needs no further introduction. "The Prophecies of Jesus Christ," says the page, almost immediately, "contain two mathematical proofs identifying the antichrist power of Dan 7:25 and Rev 13:1. This treatise is an excerpt from the book entitled How the USA Is Saying To Make an Image to the 666 Beast (Rev 13:14) (Johns Enterprises, Lexington, Kentucky 40592)." In other words, the way in which the United States is saying to . . . saying that . . . we . . . that the way in which the government of the United States is subliminally promoting the suggestion that we, perhaps unconsciously, make an image to . . . an image of . . . that we make -- comprise? -- an image to . . .

At any rate, AAA 666 Antichrist Exposé on Vatican City State and the Papacy; The Image to the Beast, Daniel and the Revelation of Jesus Christ; How the USA Fulfills Rev 13:14: 666 and 1,260: Two Mathematical Proofs Identifying the Antichrist Nation of Revelation 13:1 soon gets to its highly unpublicized Introduction and Overview:

The purpose of presenting mathematical proof identifying the antichrist nation of Rev 13:1 is to attain unbiased objectivity with mathematical precision. God has provided two mathematical proofs identifying the antichrist power perhaps because the identity of the antichrist nation is so shocking.

Mathematical proof No. 1: In February 1998 (666 x 3, incidentally), I'd just made arrangements to be fluffed for a gang interview of Barney, the cute purple dinosaur costume whose obnoxious fame was nearing an end as more and more God-fearin' parents discovered the beast's satanic connection:

1. Set the phrase "cute purple dinosaur" in uppercase Roman chisel type: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

2. Discard characters that do not correspond to Roman numerals, leaving you with: C V V L D I V

3. Convert each Roman numeral to its Arabic numeric value and add: (C)100+(V)5+(V)5+(L)50+(D)500+(I)1
+(V)5 = 666

The gang interview went well; Barney impressed everyone with his undeniably apocalyptic potential. Returning to my computer afterward, I found that Barney's devilish secret was being revealed around the world thousands of times a day at such sites as "Scientific Proof That Barney Is Satan", "B'harne Is SATAN" and "Proof That Barney Really is Satan" . . . all the proof any thinking person might require.

It's taken me almost two years to identify the second mathematical proof (which I'm sure is mentioned in Johns Enterprises' How the USA Is Saying To Make an Image to the 666 Beast [Rev 13:14], but I can't afford to buy it), so I hope it makes sense.

ASCII (PRONOUNCED ASS-KEY) (AMERIcan Standard Code for Information Interchange), developed in the '60s by the American National Standards Institute (ANSI), is the basis of the character sets used in almost all computers. It's not much of a stretch to guess that ASCII may today be the world's most widely used language, intentionally or otherwise. It is invisible; it is everywhere.

In ASCII, each alphabetic, numeric or punctuation character is represented by a 7-digit binary number, which is assigned a byte value from 0 to 127. Uppercase letters A through Z correlate to byte values 65 through 90. So:

1. Set the phrase Holy Bible in uppercase: HOLY BIBLE

2. Convert each character to its ASCII byte value and . . . perhaps because the identity of the antichrist nation is so shocking . . . add: (H)72+(O)79+(L)76+(Y)89+(B)66+(I)73+(B)66+(L)76+(E)69 = 666

IF YOU HAVE ACCESS TO A COMPUTER that runs Microsoft Windows, download (Joshua McGee's Number of the Beast). Enter a name or phrase, and Numbers of the Beast will attempt to mathematically relate your entry to 666 (or any number you choose). McGee's recommended entries: "Bill Gates III," "Brad Pitt," "Netscape Navigator" and "Internet Explorer."


Sponsor Content