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5 Greatest Moments in Video Game Sex

5 Greatest Moments in Video Game Sex

Be honest. The thought of Lara Croft still makes you hard.

Video games are so ingrained in male culture that it was inevitable sex would become a driving force in the production process. Things started out fairly tame (and pixelated), but quite a bit has changed since the Atari 2600 was introduced in 1977. e-Sex will never be an adequate substitution for the real thing, but hey, it's all the fanboys have.

5. Custer's Revenge

5 Greatest Moments in Video Game Sex

Pixelated dong and breasts at its finest! Well, maybe not. Custer's Revenge was terrible as a game and the sex was never going to help anyone reach orgasm, but it was the first game of its kind.

Marketed as an adults-only game for the Atari 2600 by a company called Mystique, players guided General George Custer through the West. His mission: Have sex with as many Native American women as possible, while dodging arrows mysteriously falling from above.

The since-discontinued masterpiece of schlock is still one of the only games to actually shows the act of sex, but it's only worth seeing if you want a laugh.

4. Mass Effect

5 Greatest Moments in Video Game Sex

Now you can live out all your Captain Kirk fantasies! Well...at least the ones that involve bedding green women from another planet. In futuristic action role-playing game "Mass Effect" and sequel "Mass Effect 2," players can develop relationships with other characters that lead to sex. Even interspecies sex - which the good Captain was extremely fond of.

But "Mass Effect" sex is more build-up than payoff. The actual scene is just a quick montage of two naked characters in various stages of copulation. Still, the game does give you the opportunity to boldly go where no man has gone before.

3. Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards

5 Greatest Moments in Video Game Sex

Leisure Suit Larry was actually a series of PC adventure games, but the original, "In the Land of the Lounge Lizards," set a standard rarely achieved in sequels.

Players navigated Larry Laffer - a middle-aged, double entendre-dropping, leisure suit-wearing loser - through the city of Lost Wages, a world of bars, seedy hotels and prostitutes (aka Sunset Boulevard).

The object of the game was to get Larry laid, which could only be achieved by spending money on women (aka dating in Los Angeles.) While the sex, if you made it to that point, was censored, the premise of a game based around getting laid was nothing short of awesome.

2. Heavy Rain

5 Greatest Moments in Video Game Sex

"Heavy Rain," a mystery/thriller where the characters attempt to track down a serial killer, is rare in the video games with sex realm. Not only do players see nudity (breasts!), they also control the action.

The sex scene between characters Madison Paige and Ethan Mars is so detailed, the player even has to undo Paige's bra with the flick of a joystick (insert your own joke here).

Although it's interactive, the scene in this PS3-exclusive is what you'd call tasteful, so gamers don't actually get to interact during the old in-and-out. Still, second base is further than most of them have been in real life.

1. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (Hot Coffee)

5 Greatest Moments in Video Game Sex

In addition to being one of the coolest games of all time, "GTA: San Andreas" also had a dirty little secret - something dubbed the Hot Coffee mod. The mod allowed players on several platforms to access a minigame where the main character, Carl "CJ" Johnson, had sex with his in-game girlfriend. The participants were fully clothed, but players could control all of CJ's movements, which was a first at least for a major mainstream game.

Despite being a game that focuses heavily on murder, drugs and prostitution, the non-gaming public didn't take notice until user-controlled sex was involved. Developer Rockstar North was forced to recall and reissue the game. The company also drew the ire of the Federal Trade Commission and was sued in several class action suits for fraud.

Let this be a lesson to video game developers - murder all the prostitutes you want, just don't let players engage in simulated, fully-clothed sexual intercourse.