101 Sex Positions to Try Today
Meet The Worm.
TJ:What was that position called?
Tatiana:Check the mail. [Opens assignment email and clicks link.] Oh shit, I think we did it wrong.
Tatiana: What did we do?
TJ: I forget.
Tatiana: Wait, no we did it…just a slight variation. I wasn't lying down like that, I was more on my knees, I guess?
TJ: And my legs weren't wide open like that Sims guy.
Tatiana: Lie down, let's do it the right way real quick.
TJ: OK. [Lies down, removes pants.]
Tatiana: What? No, I don't want to DO it, do it.
Tatiana: I just want to see what this position is really like.
TJ: That's not how this works! We HAVE to do it do it.
Tatiana: We did do it do it, we just did it did it wrong.
TJ: I have never known you to turn down doing it. What happened?
Tatiana: My shoulder hurts. Man, I'm always talking about my wrists or my shoulders hurting in these sex position pieces.
TJ: But we didn't do the position so we can't really review it.
Tatiana: But the piece is still funny.
TJ: OK, well we did do something similar. It was fun, and then it turned into doggy style.
Tatiana: Maybe I can find a position in here that's similar to what we did and say it's a review for that.
TJ: We pretty much did the position.
Tatiana: Not really, it feels totally different for me with my legs straight out. You just lie down. Lazy ass.
TJ: But then it went into doggy style!
Tatiana: Why didn't we stay in that position?
TJ: It wouldn't go all the way in. There was too much unused shaft.
Tatiana: Maybe my vagina's just set too high.
TJ: Your vagina is perfect. Oh and remember, we had just gotten out of the shower so we were kind of sticky.
TJ: I don't know like, grippy.
Tatiana: Do you mean clean?
TJ: But that post-shower soapy dryness was goin' on.
Tatiana: That's a lame excuse for not being able to do the position.
TJ: Uh, yeah.
Tatiana: Somehow we both managed to have soap left on our hoo-hoos.
TJ: Mine is not a hoo-hoo. It is a what-what.
Tatiana: Don't make me start singing that song.
TJ: Knowing that that Sims couple is still going at it in one of my Firefox tabs is pretty awesome.
Tatiana: OK fine let's do it.
Contact Tatiana at email@example.com.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss LA Weekly's biggest stories.