MR. WILSON AND HIS PROFANE COPS

Remember that guy who put a jar of "celebrity air" up for sale on eBay that contained actual air trapped near the breathing orifices of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt? That guy is comic Joe Wilson. He's since gone on to make Swear Police, which won best comedy shortie-short at the L.A. Comedy Shorts Film Festival. Now he wants us to help him make Swear Police 2: The Interrogation and has put together this production benefit with comics Jackie Kashian, Robert Yasumura, Elizabeth Beckwith, Steve Benaquist, John Colella, Kyle Kinane and others.

You remind me of someone, but I can't figure it out. Any ideas?

When my grandmother died, we had a funeral, with deli platters, the whole thing. It was in Peekskill, New York, where I was born. This woman I've never met walks up to me and says I remind her of Stanley Tucci, who was also born in Peekskill. She's friends with the Tuccis and told me how they were all invited to the "Big Night" premiere, which was held in Peekskill. I wonder if there was a mailman there who knew our moms.

Where is the jar of celebrity air right now?

The online casino that bought it, which I'm not naming (take that, casino marketing plan!) was supposed to build some kind of museum of crap they nabbed off eBay, located in Washington, D.C., which seems like the perfect setting.

Where did you get the idea for Swear Police ?

Bernard, my former mailman. (Hi, Bernard!)

I lived in the same neighborhood in Hollywood for 10 years and worked at home the entire time. When I'd get tired of talking to my cat, Dave, I'd chat with Bernard. Usually about the mail. The United States Postal Service has people follow mail carriers on their route once in a while, I'm guessing to audit their performance. Bernard and I never discussed it. When I saw someone following Bernard, taking notes, as he delivered mail, that was the start of it.

Plus, I really wanted to shoot a chase scene and play with guns. It was the most fun I've had working on anything.

What is your dream cast?

I have my dream cast -- Phil LaMarr is joining. John Colella, Antonio Moon, Jim Roof and John Vargas from The Swear Police -- along with Reamy Hall, Judith Shelton and Monroe Makowsky in Swear Police 2: The Interrogation , which is about the internal-affairs investigation into where all the swear-jar money is coming from.

If you had to never leave one block in L.A., where would it be?

Never leave? Why do I have to stay on my block? Did the cops shut it down again?

What do you hate most about living in L.A.?

KTLA weatherman Mark Kriski.

Do you have an actual job?

Are you inferring that standup comedy and making shorts is not lucrative? If so, you would be awfully accurate.

I am a private investigator. Honest.

What's your favorite medication?

Do cops read this?

How has the economic downturn affected you?

I cut back on my disguise budget.

Why should we help you make Swear Police 2: The Interrogation ?

You get credit as a supporting producer in the short. As in, all audience members get thanked for their support, by name, in the credits, for $10. You'll help us raise the dough to make the short, build the set, get costumes and rent some gear.

You get to see killer standup shows, one with jazz by saxophonist/singer/songwriter Mindi Abair (she's opened for Josh Groban and toured with Duran Duran), for $10.

If you've never seen a weather balloon explode using a defibrillator, that'll happen both nights, for $10.

If you like swearing -- and, other than my mom, who doesn't? -- this is the short-film-production benefit for you! (Plus, I'll be your friend on Facebook and I never take polls or quizzes, and I'll totally follow you on Twitter.)

Fri., May 15, 8 p.m.; Sat., May 16, 8 p.m., 2009


Sponsor Content

More CALENDAR News