Grandmama Said Knock You Out

Hey, muggers. Were you thinking about knocking off some unsuspecting old lady anytime soon? Taking advantage of her disorientation and frail physique to make a quick, illegal and violent buck? Well, we suggest you think otherwise, because that old biddy just may be a student of Toma Rosenzweig and his Cane Masters Walking Cane Defense Class. In this ongoing instructional course, Rosenzweig teaches the cane-carrying to channel Ninja Turtle Donatello and wield their walking sticks like a bÅ staff. Well, something like that, anyway. The classes cover cane selection, power swinging, thrusting, blocking, defending and much more. And don't worry that you'll be discriminated against because of your able body. Rosenzweig stresses that this class is not just for the elderly or disabled. It's for anyone at all who uses a cane. Or wants to use a cane. For whatever reason. Maybe you like to do the pimp walk and prefer something to help you balance while you kick it. Might as well learn how to use your instrument to jack up a vagrant. Bottom line, this class is empowering to the physically challenged, which is fantastic. And if nothing else, cane-wielding sounds like the greatest parlor trick ever. We wouldn't mind if this sparked a dance craze. Aikido Daiwa School, 4404 W. Victory Blvd., Burbank; every Mon. & Fri., 2 p.m., Tues., 8:30 p.m.; $50 for 12 classes in one month. (818) 339-4051,
Tue., June 14, 8:30 p.m., 2011

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