If cats were to design their own hospital, it would be the Westside Hospital for Cats. As the name implies, the state-of-the-art, full-service feline-health center is "cats only," so that the cats don't get stressed by the presence of lesser species, like dogs, parakeets, turtles, fish, lizards, guinea pigs, hamsters, rats, mice, snakes, ferrets and pretty much every other living creature. And, it is as it should be.

My cats Gerbil and Marmot have been coming here for years, even before owner Elyse Kent and her staff moved into Westside's sparkling new offices on Cotner Avenue (business is good, apparently, in the cat health care industry). Is it disturbing that my cats get better medical care than I do? Kind of. But the friendly ladies at the check-in counter greet each cat by name, and no one, but no one knows his way around a yowling calico better than veterinary technician Oscar Calderon, whose kung-fu grip wrangles even the feistiest of kitties.

If your cat needs an echocardiogram, an endoscopy, a neurology consult, surgery or chemotherapy (God forbid), or falls victim to any number of ailments, this place has you covered. With cats, as with humans, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and this place is ideal for vaccinations, microchipping, annual wellness exams and dental cleanings. And, if your cat permits you a vacation and needs somewhere to crash while you are away, the hospital has a gorgeous array of luxury boarding facilities with no creepy hidden backrooms.

If your cat is into that sort of thing, Westside Hospital for Cats also does the full range of spa grooming options — brush outs, ear cleanings, nail trimming, oatmeal baths, vinyl nail caps, as well as lion cuts and custom shaves.

You might want to look into those brochures on cat health insurance while you're there, because none of this comes cheap. Where Her Majesty the High Priestess of Fluffiness is concerned, it never does.