Email Author Simone Wilson

Awards

• 2011 - Southern California Journalism Awards/LA Press Club, published December 16, 2010

  "Culture of Cruelty"

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2010 Stories by Simone Wilson

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  FEATURED STORY

  Countdown To The End, Day Six: Disguise Your Pussy Iced-Tea Can With Four Loko Slip Cover

  published Dec 08, 2010

  Though the weeklong countdown to the Four Loko funeral began just yesterday, scavengers have already raided L.A. liquor stores for every last Loke. (The little devil committed suicide in November unde... More >>

• Lesson Of The Day: Do Not Crank Oven Heat To Keep Warm, Like These El Monte Residents, Unless You Want To Burn Down Your Apartment Building

  published Dec 08, 2010

  It's a pretty adorable thought: Turn the oven on high and gather around for some po'-boy fingertip warming and Christmas carols. Maybe you could even break out the chesnuts/marshmallows for a stovetop... More >>

• New York Bees OD On Nasty Maraschino Juice, Poop Out Red No. 40 Instead Of Honey

  published Dec 07, 2010

  Beautiful, sweet-smelling nature as we know it is all but lost on New York City. We accepted long ago that the only animals who can survive NYC's hateful human nesting grounds are bedbugs and rodents... More >>

• SoCal's New $250 Million Metrolink Fleet Is Safest -- And Sexiest -- In Nation

  published Dec 07, 2010

  If public transportation makes you want to mummify yourself with disinfecting hand towels and stay there in that sudsy little cocoon forevermore, maybe the stainless-steel rail beasts unveiled this mo... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Countdown To The End, Day Seven: Beverly Hills Craigslister Charges $70 For 12-Pack Of Four Loko

  published Dec 07, 2010

  We've been makin' cracks about the growing economic weight of our remaining Four Lokos for some time now -- never realizing how right we were. People don't just want 'em. People need 'em. Bad. The s... More >>

• Surprise: Six Of 10 Highest-Earning Reality-TV Stars Are Based In Los Angeles

  published Dec 07, 2010

  Not that we didn't know this already. Or that we're very proud of it, in the end. But for better or worse, the Daily Beast has compiled a list the top 10 reality-TV earners, and over half are living ... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Burbank Kids Bribed Into Caring About College With Reenactment Of USC-UCLA Rivalry

  published Dec 07, 2010

  Hey kids! Did you know that UCLA is one of the top public universities in the country, with stellar undergraduate opportunities in the social sciences and a prestigious faculty that includes three pro... More >>

• New Benjamin Notes Worth $110 Billion -- 10 Percent Of All U.S. Currency -- Come Out Weird, Quarantined In Texas Vault

  published Dec 07, 2010

  Remember those X-tra X-treme new $100 bills the U.S. government introduced via triumphant Internet vid last springr [Watch after jump.] Well, so absurdly turbocharged with new-age gadgetry were they, ... More >>

• Only 24 Hours Left To Apply As Official Blurb Artist For L.A. City Council's Voter Information Pamphlet

  published Dec 06, 2010

  Are you one of those rare municipal geeks who always seems to know what the F is going on at City Hallr Have you always dreamed of seeing your street savvy in mass printr Are you woefully unemployed a... More >>

• Michael Jackson Glove Goes For $330,000 At Beverly Hills Auction; Johnny Cash Middle-Finger Jumpsuit Reaps $50,000

  published Dec 06, 2010

  It was a charged weekend at Julien's Auctions in Beverly Hills -- most of all, during the paddle war over one of Michael Jackson's most crowd-pleasing staples: the Swarovski-studded glove he wore thro... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  Allegedly Drunk Pomona Man Who Caused Six-Car Crash And Vehicle Fire On I-10 East Found Drunk-Munching A Burger At Jack In The Box

  published Dec 06, 2010

  Yesterday afternoon, a six-car pileup on the 10 freeway heading east was enough to make 68-year-old Antonio Holguin Sr. very, very hungry for some good 'n' greasy over-processed cow meat. Holguin ini... More >>

• 'Operation Spiderman' Foiled At Last: German Man Who Trafficked Hundreds Of Tarantulas Into U.S. Arrested In Los Angeles

  published Dec 03, 2010

  If you've been charged with smuggling your weight's worth in deadly really fucking creepy tarantulas into the U.S., don't make a swanky business trip to Los Angeles and hope to come out alive. Thirty... More >>

• Eight L.A. Metro Riders Injured When Blue Line Train Crashes Into Abandoned Minivan On Tracks; Driver Allegedly Drunk

  published Dec 03, 2010

  Imagine the horrific scene: A northbound Blue Line train, fresh from Vernon Station in South L.A., is climbing to 30, 35, then 50 miles per hour -- when, from around the bend, the Metro driver spots a... More >>

• L.A. City Council Candidate Stephen Box Goes Where No Councilmember (Especially Opponent Tom LaBonge) Has Gone Before: The Internet

  published Dec 03, 2010

  Reality-TV star Rudy Martinez isn't the only non-incumbent with a pointed plan of attack for crashing the insular tea party at L.A. City Hall next year. It seems watchdog Paul Hatfield [via the Vill... More >>

• Two Missing Akita Show Dogs Worth $350,000 Found In Compton; Corgis Still At Large

  published Dec 02, 2010

  Update: The remaining Corgis show up in Compton! Stay tuned for how, and by whom, they were found. Trace and Didi, two fluffy show dogs who were stolen Tuesday -- one worth $250,000 and the other $10... More >>

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  FEATURED STORY

  L.A. Loses 2022 World Cup Host Bid To Qatar

  published Dec 02, 2010

  You can uncross your fingers, Los Angeles -- the most adored sporting event in the universe is officially not going down in the City of Angels in 2022, taking its promises of worldwide honor, limeligh... More >>

• L.A. City Council Candidate Rudy Martinez Fought Smoking Bans In California

  published Dec 01, 2010

  Updated after the jump: A reformed Martinez says he supports last month's stringent smoking ban. Originally posted Nov. 30 at 5:42 p.m. Yet another item on which reality-TV star and District 14 hopef... More >>

• RIGHT NOW: Go Protest Racist, Politically Motivated Cuts To Crucial L.A. Bus Lines At The MTA Headquarters

  published Dec 01, 2010

  As the Weekly reported yesterday in a long-winded rant, the Metropolitan Transit Authority is slowly eliminating the only form of public transportation that people in Los Angeles are dependent upon fo... More >>

• West Hollywood City Councilmember Lindsey Horvath, Appointed By Friends On Council, Illegally Used City Stamp, Listserv To Beg 2011 Campaign Support

  published Dec 01, 2010

  New: Horvath's campaign manager explains that the listserv was a private (albeit gigantic) one. Updated after the jump with Horvath's public Facebook profile pic and more juicy links from the over-ze... More >>

• L.A. City Councilmember Richard Alarcon Begs Judge To Dismiss Charges Of Perjury And Fraud

  published Dec 01, 2010

  L.A. City Councilmember Richard Alarcon has been on uneasy street since the beginning of August, when he was charged with 18 counts of felony indictment, including perjury and voter fraud. His wife ra... More >>

• Mystery Friend Of The Butterflies Turns Venice Lot Into Monarch Sanctuary

  published Dec 01, 2010

  It seems the journalists at the Venice Patch "shopper" finally set foot outside the office today, and get a load of the natural wonders they stumbled upon: Readyr A Monarch butterfly sanctuary on Pac... More >>

• Lowes Recalls 11 Million Roman Shades, Roll-Up Blinds -- Sold Widely Since 1999 -- Before Another Innocent Child Chokes To Death

  published Dec 01, 2010

  Hope you're not too attached to those tiki-fabulous Roman blinds hanging in your toddler's playroom. 'Cause have we got news for you, furniture-phile: The classic Lowes product has been recalled due t... More >>

• Does 29 Percent Of L.A.'s Smog Come From East Asiar Bay Area Study: Dust Storms Carry Pollution Over Pacific

  published Dec 01, 2010

  To think -- all that time we were faulting the scummy smog layer constantly smothering Los Angeles on our own bad habits. Turns out it's been China all along! That is, if L.A.'s Pacific positioning ma... More >>

• While We Were Thawing Our Toes This Morning, We Noticed That Unemployment Benefits Had Been Terminated For 2 Million Americans

  published Dec 01, 2010

  What a bone-chilling way to slide into December. Not to mention the holidays. We woke up this morning after a night of visible breath and twinkly lights to the news that unemployment benefits will ... More >>

• German Chairez Jr, L.A. Homicide No. 227: 18-Year-Old Man Fatally Shot By Gang Member In North Hills

  published Nov 30, 2010

  A young Latino man was killed by an alleged gang member in the North Hills at 11:30 p.m. on Friday, Nov. 19. The victim has since been identified as 18-year-old German Chairez Jr. Chairez was standin... More >>