rss Email Author Gustavo Arellano

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2006 Stories by Gustavo Arellano

Archives: 2012 | 2011 | 2010 | 2009 | 2008 | 2007 | 2006 | 2005 | 2004 | 2003

  • ¡Ask a Mexican! Huddled Messes

    published December 28, 2006

    The Mexican is currently inside a trunk trying to sneak back into the United States after the Christmas holiday. Meanwhile, here are some... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican! a Rod by Any Other Name

    published December 21, 2006

    Dear Mexican: I’m a Spanish-language student struggling with tenses and the gender of nouns. The other day, some friends and I were... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican! Uncivil Torta

    published December 14, 2006

    My girls and I work at a Mexican restaurant, and the Mexican cooks are so infatuated with the Mexican Sandwich. Is... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican! Repellent Insect

    published December 7, 2006

    Dear Mexican: I was flipping through my television when I noticed the Spanish-language channel showed a man in a red suit with yellow... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican!

    published November 30, 2006

    Note to readers: The following is a serious, stat-saturated Mexican. I promise more dwarf- and Dirty Sanchez–related questions next... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican! Let Your Love Blow

    published November 23, 2006

    Dear Mexican: I am a nice-looking white girl with a great job and life. I recently starting seeing a Mexican guy, who I’m pretty... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican!

    published November 16, 2006

    Special Tres-Question EditionDear Mexican: My fiancé is trying to learn Spanish so he can speak to my grandmother when we get... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican!

    published November 9, 2006

    Keeping Abreastof the Spanish PressI detect a strong anti-American bias in the local Spanish-language media — or is... More >>

  • Ask A Mexican! Oral Quiz

    published November 2, 2006

    Dear Mexican: A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican! Hairy Discussion

    published October 26, 2006

    Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans call people with curly hair chinos?? Most chinos I know have very... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican! Whistler's Madre

    published October 19, 2006

    Dear Mexican: I have very, very light skin because of my Scandinavian heritage. Around Halloween, someone asked me if it was white-face... More >>

  • Double Cheap Shot

    published October 12, 2006

    Dear Mexican: How can you explain the disparity between Japan and Mexico? Japan is a nation a fraction the size of Mexico, with zero... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican! Classroom Struggle

    published September 28, 2006

    Dear Readers: Folks went loco following my September 7 column that blamed Chicano studies for spawning a generation of humorless... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican! Relativity

    published September 21, 2006

    Dear Mexican: I have a stupid, unemployed, 16-year-old gangbangin’ cousin who already dropped out of school, and I’m pretty... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican! America's Next Top Model Minority

    published September 14, 2006

    Dear Mexican: I see Jews, Asians and Persians making something of themselves and conducing safe, walkable communities. Of course... More >>

  • Los Abandoned (Es Muy Nice)

    published September 7, 2006

    One spring night in 2002, I saw Los Abandoned in a Hollywood club dressed in Greatest Generation–era military uniforms, strumming out... More >>

  • To Sad Eyes in East L.A.

    published September 7, 2006

    Death of an Earth Angel, Dick “Huggy Boy” Hugg, 1928–2006It’s a cliché to say eras end with the passing... More >>

  • Ask A Mexican!

    published September 7, 2006

    Dear Mexican: My gabacha friends and I marched in the May pro-amnesty rallies and wanted to show our support on ?our... More >>

  • ¡Ask a Mexican!

    published August 31, 2006

    Dear Mexican: A friend recently asked me how to say “motherfucker” in Spanish. I was stumped — the closest thing I... More >>

  • Ask a Mexican!

    published August 24, 2006

    Sometimes a CD?Is Just a CDWhy do Mexicans hang CDs from their cars’ rear-view mirrors?—Poor Use... More >>

  • Mutants Forever!

    published July 27, 2006

    OS MUTANTES, THIEVERY CORPORATION, FLAMING LIPSat the Hollywood Bowl, July 23Los Angeles is doomed, and not because of the heat,... More >>

  • Everything Is Divine Marvelous

    published May 11, 2006

    Say what you will about despots, but at least they inspire flippin’ great music — think the blues, pre–Pol Pot Cambodian... More >>

  • Oh, Say Can You Hear the Clichés?

    published May 4, 2006

    Conservatives rightfully loathe “Nuestro Himno,” the recently recorded Spanish-language take on “The Star-Spangled... More >>

  • The Anti-Immigrant All-Stars

    published May 4, 2006

    “I can’t even order a hamburger in English anymore!” a skinny gabacho told me as we stood in downtown Santa... More >>

  • Line-Cutters and Illegals

    published May 4, 2006

    Dear Mexican,Why do Mexicans always find the need to cut in line? I see this happening in la carnicería, the airport and... More >>

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