Email Author Dave Shulman

2007 Stories by Dave Shulman

• Holiday Coffee-table Books for the Whole Damn Family

  published December 20, 2007

  Many of us, I’m told, still live in buildings created specifically for human housing. And the more fortunate among us, so the story goes,... More >>

• Small Child, Cute, Ages Normally

  published October 18, 2007

  MILAN JIANQI LADMAN-FRYKMAN is a small, cute, nonfictional child. You should enjoy reading about her, because it’ll remind you of... More >>

• Lingua Toluca

  published September 20, 2007

  ELIZA JANE SCHNEIDER has her own fingerprints, Social Security number, employment history, references, everything. If you could see the... More >>

• Superbad's Boys To Men

  published August 16, 2007

  Why must the big studios pick the Four Seasons Beverly Hills for all of their press junkets? Why can’t journalists and movie stars all... More >>

• Jerry Is My Pimp

  published August 9, 2007

  She didn’t like to think of the men who paid her as tricks. She preferred the term “love partners,” as Jan and Paul Crouch called folks ... More >>

• The Couch Gag

  published July 26, 2007

  THE LIVING ROOM IS UNSTABLE. At times the couch falls through the floor, or worse. But the next day the floor’s hole has healed,... More >>

• Matt Groening: Life Is Swell

  published July 19, 2007

  Move to Los Angeles.Let your jaw wobble in amazement.Gasp for air. Rub your eyes.Catch your... More >>

• The Meat Puppets' Magic Brother Missing

  published July 12, 2007

  December 26, 2003, was an extremely crappy day in a string of crappy months and years for Cris Kirkwood. He parked his car in the downtown... More >>

• Unidentified Male Survives

  published June 28, 2007

  WHILE ADMIRING SOME OLD album covers, I decide that I like Tom Hannan’s artwork on Thelonious Monk/Sonny Rollins (Prestige, 1953... More >>

• Spud Row Lullaby

  published June 21, 2007

  HAZEL PETTIGREW, SENIOR GRAPHOPHOBIA editor at the Elliot Tanpool Mangrave Institute of Modern Hieroglyphic Studies, calls at 6 a.m., as... More >>

• Erik Cheeseburger Goes to Hebben

  published May 31, 2007

  AS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER, Erik Cheeseburger was offered a considerable sum of money to appear in a feature film. But then the production... More >>

• Days of Mud and Coffee

  published May 17, 2007

  Jennifer and Richard live in a cave over the river. Colleen and Bill live two caves down. I live in the cave between them, with... More >>

• John Hawkes

  published May 10, 2007

  John Hawkes’ father, Pete, was an extremely bright and rugged fellow who grew up outside of Alexandria... More >>

• Building a Better Possum

  published May 3, 2007

  I HAVE SEVERAL FRIENDS named Tom. One Tom is concerned that I might be spending too much time alone, reading and writing instead of... More >>

• Peter Case: Living Precarity

  published April 19, 2007

  As Far as You Can Get Without a Passport is a very long title for a very short book. The short book’s language is simple and... More >>

• Bombs Away!

  published April 19, 2007

  {mosimage}“LET ME MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR,” Hector Schechner whispers to me in his private cell at San Berdoo Subversive Detenti... More >>

• Women Reading Vonnegut

  published April 19, 2007

  Humane and Reasonable?I was 11 or 12, drinking sugar, coming down from an Edgar Allan Poe binge, rummaging through the living-room bookshelves... More >>

• Rats in a Cheeseless Maze

  published April 5, 2007

  {mosimage}THE TOTALLY FUCKIN’ L.A. human-resources unit contacts me by e-mail: “Our hieroglyphics editor is very interest... More >>

• Press Here

  published March 22, 2007

  {mosimage} I. Story is researched, written, edited and copyedited. More >>

• Dolphin Stays Dry

  published March 8, 2007

  {mosimage}DOLPHIN’S ZONKED OUT in a semiprivate room on the fourth floor of the big orange downtown hospital. Yesterday’s surgery we... More >>

• Borgicci's Lament

  published February 22, 2007

  POOR BORGICCI; HE HAS NOTHING. If it were you who had nothing, it would be poor You. But it is not. It is only poor... More >>

• The Ungripriveting Hoot Bowl

  published February 8, 2007

  SPIRO TEABAGNU’S PLASMA PUB was on the north side of Wilshire Boulevard, and Scooter Haldeman’s was on the south. Both... More >>

• Substantial John's First Turkey Infidelity

  published January 25, 2007

  SUBSTANTIAL JOHN IS A FAMOUS musician, actor, comedian, author, politician, filmmaker and athlete. According to a recent poll in Teen... More >>

• How to Blend Real Funny

  published January 11, 2007

  Historically, the easiest place to be real funny is in a bar. All you have to do is walk in and say something. For example, you might say,... More >>