Email Author Dave Shulman

1999 Stories by Dave Shulman

• The Fifth Otseabed

  published December 30, 1999

  By 1991, Erik Otsea had created four Otseabeds, mostly to help people sleep. That autumn, I was sharing a non-Otseabed in Venice... More >>

• Between the Waves

  published December 23, 1999

  Piha Beach, on the west coast of New Zealand, is one of our planet‘s high-end waterfronts, I’m told. Long, rugged coastline of fine black sa... More >>

• New Holidays

  published December 16, 1999

  Kenneth Dolin calls sometimes -- usually late Saturday or Sunday morning -- to speak nonsense in a breathy, high-pitched, faux-Gaelic slide... More >>

• Athens of the Antelope Valley

  published December 9, 1999

  ”Real farmers castrate sheep with their teeth“ was the first complete sentence I ever heard uttered by a student at Quartz Hill High School. ... More >>

• 1099-MISC

  published December 2, 1999

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• Garner Buys It

  published November 25, 1999

  My brother and I were floating on magic pillows, just above the basement floor. I was too old to be doing this legitimately, and my brother,... More >>

• Delicious Huge Love

  published November 18, 1999

  Long ago on radio, and not so long ago on television, a voice-over would here and there blurt forth, ”And now this“ -- a prophecy that t... More >>

• Season's Greetings

  published November 11, 1999

  Illustration by Mike LeeFLU SEASON IS THE ONE TIME OF THE year when American companies consider treating their humans as well as they treat their... More >>

• The Lime Barty Story

  published November 4, 1999

  Lime Barty was the name I gave to a neighbor I never met. Never met, never saw, never wanted to see or to perceive in any other way. Because... More >>

• Jumpin' an' Cussin'

  published October 28, 1999

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• Do It Yourself

  published October 21, 1999

  Come on in, Ricky. Ricky, I‘d like you to meet Stacks. Stacks, this is Ricky. “Hey.” “How’s it going?” ... More >>

• Catalog(.)

  published October 14, 1999

  Thank you for your recent online purchase from The Mall Zone Outpost Warehouse Club, your permanent source of everlasting convenience. As a... More >>

• G4 and After Science

  published September 30, 1999

  Art by Mike LeeMOORE'S LAW -- BASED ON THE OBSERvations of inventor and former chairman of Intel Gordon Moore -- states that every two years, we... More >>

• No Fries; Chips

  published September 23, 1999

  Another magical night inside the Mobil minimarket. Grumpy, motionless clerk barely visible amid stalactites of rotating price signs and... More >>

• Anachron 58:36

  published September 16, 1999

  Dreamed I was 58. Older than I am. Woke up and reminded myself I‘m 38. What a relief. Brushed and flossed and spat and got all the way to th... More >>

• Smart Man, Crazy Man: Ten Thousand Dollars

  published September 9, 1999

  An old friend used to do an impersonation of her mother reciting a handy coming-of-age proverb: “Smart man, crazy man: piece of paper... More >>

• Into the Big Machine

  published September 2, 1999

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• Jobberwacky

  published August 26, 1999

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• Insomnomania!

  published August 19, 1999

  Art by Mike LeeHAVING BEEN AWAKE THREE NIGHTS straight gathering information on sleep deprivation, I've developed an almost entirely meritless... More >>

• 25 Years of Dick

  published August 12, 1999

  Art by Mike LeeTHE FIRST SOUND FILE I EVER DOWNloaded was Richard Nixon's "I'm not a crook" -- possibly his most famous work, and for three good... More >>

• The Heartbreak of Cyberitis

  published August 5, 1999

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• The Burning Question

  published July 29, 1999

  Illustration by Mike LeeAPART FROM THE AUTUMN OF 1984, when I shared an apartment with three young Republican white women, I haven't spent much of... More >>

• Pictures of Nothing for Free

  published July 22, 1999

  Art by Mike LeeFOR THOSE WHO CONNECT TO THE INTERnet via modem, the time spent waiting for inline images to load is most often spent . . . waiting... More >>

• The Staircase

  published July 15, 1999

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• Customer Serviced

  published July 8, 1999

  Art by Mike LeeDear Kind Sir(s) and/or Madam(s): Per your company's longstanding dedication to open-ended product development and... More >>