It's already been said more times than anyone could or would care to count: 2016 was a real bitch of a year. A lot of Angelenos are likely ready to tie one on and go a little nuts this New Year's Eve. But there's no shame in celebrating the end of an extraordinarily gross year in a more low-key fashion. If your plans don't include a packed dance floor, ingesting other people's sweat and a hangover the next day, there are plenty of more tame and still fun things to do on Dec. 31.
New Year's Evil at the New Beverly
Feeling sinister? Watch as the host of a L.A. punk/new-wave radio show — played by Roz Kelly, aka "Pinky Tuscadero" — tries to outwit a psycho killer who's offing someone as it strikes midnight in each U.S. time zone. When New Year's Evil came out, Roger Ebert wrote in his review, "The plot is dumb and the twist at the end has been borrowed from hundreds if not thousands of other movies." If that doesn't make you want to see it, nothing will. New Beverly Cinema, 7165 Beverly Blvd., Fairfax; Sat., Dec. 31, 11:55 p.m.; $8. brownpapertickets.com/event/2720186.
Pink Martini at Disney Hall
Nationalism might be sweeping the nation (and, like, most of Europe) but Pink Martini is a globally inclusive antidote to the nastiness. The multilingual, multicultural, Oregon-born band's newest album features songs in eight languages and a dozen players from a variety of cultural backgrounds. Feeling like diversity needs to be celebrated right now? Check 'em out. Walt Disney Concert Hall, 111 S. Grand Ave., downtown; Sat., Dec. 31, 7 & 10:30 p.m.; $82-$196. laphil.com/tickets/new-years-eve-pink-martini/2016-12-31.
Chris D'Elia at the Wiltern
As a woman who’s been intoxicated on more than one occasion, I’m loath to admit that Chris D’Elia does a pretty good impersonation of every drunk chick, but it’s true. It’s a bit from White Male. Black Comic., his 2013 Comedy Central special, in which he also tackles why church is creepy and weird and, naturally, sex. If you don’t know his stand-up, D’Elia’s probably recognizable from his TV roles as Danny on NBC’s Undateable and before that as Whitney Cummings’ significant other, Alex, on her defunct sitcom Whitney. For people in the mood to sit down while someone else stands up this New Year’s — and to watch someone make jokes about drunk chicks rather than being surrounded by them — this show is just the thing. The Wiltern, 3790 Wilshire Blvd., Koreatown; Sat., Dec. 31, 7 p.m.; $40. wiltern.com.
Jo Koy at Ice House
In his 2009 special, Don't Make Him Angry, comedian Jo Koy went into extraordinary detail about his then–5-year-old son's habit of playing with his "ting ting." He yanks it, squishes it, exposes it to unsuspecting houseguests and, on one occasion, colored it green with a Magic Marker (hence the punch line "Don't make him angry"). The comedian, former Chelsea Lately panelist and host of podcast The Koy Pond (get it?) — who got his start in a Vegas coffeehouse — is headlining on NYE. Admission comes with party favors and a Champagne toast. The Ice House, 38 N. Mentor Ave., Pasadena; Sat., Dec. 31, 7:30 p.m.; $60. icehousecomedy.com.
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2017: A New Hope at NerdMelt
2017: A New Hope is your locus for New Year’s Eve’s most transformative moments — and what better place to cultivate much-needed hope than in a comic book store, where good triumphs over evil with persistent frequency? Tonight’s extravaganza is hosted by RiffTrax contributing writer Joseph Scrimshaw, and offers up fun from Muppeteer Phoebe Bottoms, Josh A. Cagan, Luck of the Draw host Caitlin Durante, talk show host Lucia Fasano and J. Elvis Weinstein, the original puppeteer and voice of Tom Servo and Gypsy on Mystery Science Theater 3000. And, performing Tchaikovsky’s entire Nutcracker holiday musical in five minutes, dancer Sara Stevenson Scrimshaw. Nerdist Showroom at Meltdown Comics, 7522 Sunset Blvd., Hollywood; Sat., Dec. 31, 6:45 p.m.; $8. (323) 851-7223, holdmyticket.com/event/264198.
The Groundlings New Year's Eve Celebration
The Groundlings are promising more than a few laughs (and we for sure need them) at the improv troupe's New Year's Eve Celebration. An all-star cast of improvisors produces off-the-cuff comedy, plus there's a cocktail hour, a taco bar and a Champagne toast at midnight. Groundlings Theater, 7307 Melrose Ave., Hollywood; Sat., Dec. 31, 9 p.m.; $100. groundlings.com.
El Cid's NYE Flamenco Celebration
El Cid's flamenco dinner shows are an L.A. institution, and they're also a fun way to usher in the new year. The Silver Lake restaurant is hosting a pair of performances on NYE. 4212 W. Sunset Blvd., Silver Lake; Sat., Dec. 31, 6 & 9 p.m.; $95-$110. elcidla.com.
Grand Park and the Music Center’s N.Y.E.L.A. Countdown to 2017
For the first time in recent memory, we can’t even pretend that the new year might have better things in store than the shitty one that preceded it (unless you’re an arms dealer and WWIII is on your wishlist). Alas, if you have kids and won’t be permitted to drown your sorrows like so many other people, Grand Park and the Music Center’s N.Y.E.L.A. Countdown to 2017 isn’t a half-bad place to be. The alcohol-free, family-friendly event has live music and DJs on three stages — the Countdown Stage, the Get Down Stage and the Funktown Stage — as well as a photo booth, inflatable art and food from vendors like Bling Bling Dumplings, Mario’s Tacos and Pizza on Wheelz. Don’t worry — there will be plenty of opportunities to tie one on in the coming year. Grand Park, 200 N. Grand Ave., downtown; Sat., Dec. 31, 8 p.m.-1 a.m.; free. grandparkla.org/nyela.