Instead our usual insipid questions with the brilliant comic, Mr. Stanhope enlisted his fans to submit their own insipid questions.
STANHOPE FANS: Do you think social media is a positive or detrimental thing?
STANHOPE: It's like a dildo on a power-drill. It depends on how you use it.
Why did The Man Show really get canceled?
The last phone call I made to Man Show execs was drunk from a comedy club parking lot in ATL saying that Rogan and I wanted to get gay-married on the next season (MA gay marriage being a top story at the time.) The next we heard the show was canceled.
Why is our world consistently run by morons?
I can't speak for the history of the world, but democracy demands that idiocy counts the same as genius so it forces the middle mind to the front. And being that genius is less likely to pick up an axe-handle for God 'n' Country, stupid is stronger still.
What do you do for a living?
Think Bernie Madoff on a much smaller scale. He was actually good in his early years and used his reputation to bilk people later on.
What's it like having a fan base that is 50% educated liberals and 50% total fucking morons?
I love the morons who annoy anyone who would define themselves as educated liberals. Most of my audience think of the other people as morons and I think most of my audience are morons based mostly on their Facebook comments.
Fuck, Marry, Kill? Patton Oswalt, Louis CK, Jim Norton.
Fuck is easily Norton. It's only a matter of who will bleed or cry the most. Marry? Patton. He drinks, so we could at least have a nice conversation whilst I bleed and cry. CK is dead, since I'm filming a part on his show this month and I can't act and he has final cut.
If you had to kill one person who would it be? Why?
Dr Drew. No, Michael Moore. Oh wait, Nancy Grace. Did I say Sheriff Joe Arpaio yet? No, no, Dr Drew. And that guy in that car that just looked at me all fucky-eyed. And everyone at TMZ. Plus the one guy I plan on killing and getting away with who I prefer to remain anonymous. Actually I just wanna kill his kid so I can watch him cry for all his days. How many? Just one? Tough question. And if you have to ask "Why," you probably should be at the show.
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If there was a sexual move named after you, what would be the Stanhope?
Blowing your load and still be yanking it 10 years later.
Doug Stanhope performs at The Comedy Store, 8422 Sunset Blvd., W. Hlwyd.; Thurs.-Fri., May 26-27, 8:30 p.m.; $25. (323) 650-6268.
Thu., May 26, 8 p.m.; Fri., May 27, 8 p.m., 2011